What makes history (Hijikata x OC)

We commit you to the deep

The owner of the fleet, General Enomoto, suggested we hold a funeral at sea for Yamazaki when he passed. We had obliged, our hearts torn, but without any other choice to honour the man of the watch who had saved our asses a thousand times.

Yamazaki's body sunk with the board fast enough. One moment, his prone form, wrapped in linens, lay beside us. The next, the waters had covered him, barely acknowledging his fall before the Ocean took over and closed again. Sanosuke's hand, squeezing my shoulder, brought me warmth as I watched the waves engulf one of ours.

This wasn't my first funeral at sea; my past mission on the Surprise had shown me how it was done on a British Man-o-war. Then, bodies slid down into the sea, untethered. Here, they allowed Yamazaki to take that piece of wood with him. I had no clue about the significance of it, but doubted my neighbour would be in the mood to quell that morbid curiosity.

Those thoughts only served at distracting me from the pain. Inoue-san. Yamazaki-san. Two relentless supports of the Shinsengumi, dead. Countless men from both my unit, and the other's as well. My eyes were dry, but my heart raw. All the captains watched Yamazaki's body disappear into the waves, Okita's arm around Chizuru's sobbing shoulders. Then, one by one, they left the deck. All but Hijikata, whose hands still rested upon the rail, eyes lost in the horizon as the sun ran its course over our heads.

I stood beside him, legs weak and body aching. The results of several days of fighting, too little food, and a hundred bruises. Bah, it would heal. And the pounding headache would probably surrender to more sleep, right?

I laid my hand upon the railing, close enough so that our pinkies touched. This was the best we could afford in public at the moment. I shared a cabin with Chizuru; the men were stowed in various private spaces and hammocks on the ship. In the midst of our retreat to Edo, comfort was long gone.

Still, food was aplenty. And rest ... at last. I still felt weak, despite the numerous hours I'd slept in between Ujigawa and this ship. By my side, I could feel Hijikata's frustration at losing yet another man he trusted. A man who had fought for a coward.

Yes, a coward.

When his voice rose, almost too low for me to hear, I could only strain my ears.

"My heart is pure as I face my reflection in the water," he murmured, leaving me in awe of his ability to put words into those feelings so easily. Yet another haiku, inspired by the moment. Then, he added with more strength: "You should go now, Kitsu."

I blinked, pulled from my reminiscence by the sight of the Vice Commander's eyes shining in the setting sun. His gaze was hard, and still laden with grief; I knew that look. Fukuchō was trying to find the best strategy for his troops.

"I'm not having this conversation again," I sighed.

His eyes softened slightly, just a notch; I knew he was seeing me, the woman, rather than the tool. It always amazed me that he found the courage to use us all to win this war. Toshizō was ruthless man, driven by purpose; I would be completely unable to match his strength. To send to death subordinates that you loved with all your heart. To him, this was a show of trust and respect.

"You have your necklace back. Don't stay in this chaos. This isn't going to get better."

Did he think I ignored how gruesome war could be? Should I remind him that I'd fought three more than him? I frowned.

"I know, remember?"

His eyes roamed the deck behind me, finding a few men at their post, watching the sunset. Then, he turned his graceful neck to the endless Ocean.

"Then...", he started, his voice unsure.

I could still feel his tears soak my collarbone. How could I leave him now?