Dreams of the Past

Whose his Mother

A/N There is another chapter on my A03 Drabbles fic for this. It is important. It doesn't really matter what order you read them in. I know, I should have just had all of those scenes in this at this point. Oh well.  https://archiveofourown.org/works/59830591/chapters/158840113

Chapter 36

Whose his Mother

"Are you sure it's a good idea, Kakashi?"

Sakura watched her boys wander around the garden together from where she sat beside her husband on the engawa. It had rained that morning, so they were hunting for worms. Kakashi had promised to take them fishing later that week, and Kakashi-kun had decided they needed to find their own bait.

"He deserves to know."

Tenzō pulled a fat worm out of the dirt and dangled it proudly right in Kakashi-kun's face. The older boy yelped, falling back onto his bum from where he'd been crouching, swatting the slimy thing away. "That's a good one, Tenzō-chan, but don't hold it so close to my nose."

Tenzō got the coy look on his face that suggested he was amused and dutifully dropped the worm into the offered jar.

"Won't it just hurt him unnecessarily? You were a grown man when you found out, and it hurt you. He's so little. He doesn't understand the nuances of adult relationships, or all the reasons she had to leave you." She sighed, dropping her chin to her knees. "Wouldn't it be better if he were older? If he could understand better? If it wasn't so soon after... everything?"

Her eyes sought the little stone jizo. Kakashi-kun had been more hurt by Hana's loss than she'd expected. When they'd had the chance to sit together and talk about it, he'd confessed that he felt like he had let her down. Even though he knew he was only six and that she was the adult, he still felt like he was supposed to protect them. And he'd tried, she had seen, and told him how proud she was of him. But it hadn't been enough, and now he felt sad and sorry and other things he didn't really understand.

It hurt Sakura to know how much it was affecting him, that he felt at all guilty. Kakashi had explained that their bond as mates went deeper than a normal relationship. Their chakra was intertwined, she smelled different, more like him but not quite—not like when she'd been pregnant—he was more aware of her, more affected by her. On some level, her relationship with his older self must be burdening Kakashi-kun and it was so unfair to him. He did not, could not understand the things he felt.

"It will be upsetting at first, but he'll be okay, and eventually, they might be able to have a good relationship. I want that for him. If I know him as well as I think I do, he will too. I know I would have." Kakashi kissed the top of her head. "But I think, for lots of reasons, you will always be more of a mother to him, no matter what relationship they have or if Sakumo ever marries."

She huffed. "I'm not jealous, Kakashi, I'm worried. I don't want him to get hurt." His lips found her temple and she could feel his small smile. "Okay, maybe a little. It's so strange to love him so much like I do, as if he were my son, when I love you so differently."

He hummed and it vibrated in his chest against her side. "I don't think so. As much as we are technically the same person, we really aren't anymore. And... I feel similarly. That is confusing."

Laughing softly, it was funny, Sakura twisted her head to kiss him properly. "You're sure?"

He tucked her hair behind her ear and nodded. "Yes. When he's inevitably hurt at first, you'll be here to comfort him, right?"