Peter and Brian in Tampering With Nature

How To Get Your Own Invention Back

"Hey, Wallace?"

Wallace had completely forgotten about Mr. Paaner when he entered the town. He turned to face the shop owner coming out of his shop, carrying a tray of plastic cups. "Hi, Mr. Paaner," he greeted.

"How's my order of fifty gallons of honey coming on, Wallace?"

"Oh, yeah. We're working on it, Mr. Paaner."

"Then why are you out here instead of with your bees?" Mr. Paaner asked.

"Oh," Wallace said. "That's because... uhhhh..." He kept 'uhhhing' as he tried to think of something convincing and he looked at Mr. Paaner, who was looking at him very impatiently for an answer. "That's because I'm getting more stuff for my bees so Gromit and I will get your honey order on time," he managed to finally say.

"I see," Mr. Paaner said. "And how many gallons have you made so far?"

"Oh... about... thirty... seven... gallons?" Wallace didn't say that very convincingly, but Mr. Paaner seemed to believe him.

"Okay, Wallace. Keep up the good work."

Then Wallace saw the tray Mr. Paaner was carrying on his hands. "Are those beer samples?"

"Yes, for my annual 'Sounding of the Crumpets' festival tonight," Mr. Paaner said. "And, yes, they're free. And, yes, even though you wrecked my shop last night, you can have one."

"Oh, thanks, Mr. Paaner," Wallace said, taking one plastic cup of free beer and gulped it all down. "You're so generous that you could be taken advantage of, like how sea turtles choose to let barnacles live on their bodies."

"Sea turtles aren't being generous, Wallace," Mr. Paaner said. "And they're not choosing to let barnacles live on their bodies. They just can't defend themselves from the barnacles sticking onto them and they can't –"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," said a drunk Wallace, as he threw his empty beer cup behind him. It didn't land on Mr. Paaner's tray, but on top of his head.

"See you later." Then Wallace walked off.

"With my fifty gallons of honey?" Mr. Paaner asked.

"Hey, I promised, didn't I?" That was all Wallace said, without even looking at him.

"And you'd better deliver them," Mr. Paaner said, taking the empty cup of his head.

Wallace was passing the police station and saw the policeman in a wheelchair outside it. "Good morning, Officer Dibbens," he greeted.

"Is it, Wallace?" Dibbens demanded.

"Who have you caught this time?" Wallace asked.

"Only your bastard mouse robot that destroyed poor Mr. Paaner's shop!" Dibbens replied. "It was the hardest one I ever caught and I caught plenty of other evil robots including the Terminator, Ultron, plenty of Cybermen, plenty of Cylons, ED-209 and C-3PO."

"C-3PO?" Wallace was very shocked to hear that. "I thought he was a good robot."

"Yeah, until he started to learn bad language and bad behaviour from some strange non-English speaking language in the Star Wars universe," Dibbens explained.

"Look, is there anything I can do to get my invention back?" Wallace asked.

"No, Wallace," Dibbens said.

"Not even my petition for his release?"

"The signatures of just one man and his dog are not enough," Dibbens said. "The only way I suppose you could get to be released is to make it behave itself better and especially better than last night. But I suppose that will never ever happen because you can't."