Constellations | A.I.

15 - remembering

I dedicate each chapter to one specific writer who either inspires my writing and/or has written incredible books. This one goes to tinyluke for commenting and supporting this story so much. Your comments make me smile, and I really appreciate the feedback. Thank you for being one of the reasons I enjoy writing so much.

-Ashton-

I fell asleep that night the same way I woke up - afraid.

I was afraid my confession wasn't a mutual feeling, and I was scared she would leave me. She didn't say it back, just stared at me for a while and then gently lay her head on my chest, falling asleep soon after.

I was woken up by her several hours later, her small hands furiously trying to make me return to reality instead of my nightmare. I remember the fear in her eyes and I wasn't sure why she was so scared, but I couldn't help her. I was uncontrollably shaking, my mind starting to swarm with terror as I felt like I couldn't breathe. Everything was suddenly suffocating me, too much to handle, and I'd reached the breaking point.

"Ashton, please look at me," Em frantically said, shaking my shoulders. My eyes roamed the room, gasping breaths releasing as I felt like the walls were closing in. I squeezed my eyes shut, hands furiously gripping my head to make it stop.

I could hear her talking, but I didn't want to. I wanted to shut everything off, make the world stop. And I swear it almost seemed to when her arms slowly wrapped around me, pulling me in for a hug. Even though she was closer to me, I felt like I could breathe so much better. It happened so fast, all a blurry flash.

"It's alright, Ashton," Her hands traveled up to my hair, softly running her fingers through it as she spoke. I let out a long sigh, closing my eyes but still shaking, "Just stay here in the present. Only think about what's happening right now."

And I did. I thought about how wonderful it felt to have her so close, her body's warmth matching my own, her lips by my ear.

"Think of three things that make you happy. Tell me them," She calmly said, and just the tone of her voice seemed to slow my fast beating heart. I let out another long breath, three things easily coming to mind.

"You," I pressed my head against hers, feeling her smile into my neck. I cautiously moved my hands to wrap around her waist.

"Keep going," She whispered against my skin, and I pulled her closer to me.

"Taco Bell," I smiled and she pulled away, beaming at me as she took in my answer.

"One more."

"Constellations," I finished, and intertwined both of our hands, "Those three things are what I like to live for."

My words made her smile falter, and I frowned at her reaction. She quickly recovered, giving me a big grin before gently taking her and out of mine. As she got up from the bed, she looked at me with a million emotions behind her eyes and said, "You should never live for another person."

//

It was almost one in the afternoon by the time we got around to doing anything. Em had asked me what I wanted to do, and I simply told her it was a surprise. I'd stayed up the night before, much later than I should've which seemed to happen far too frequently, thinking about everything I'd done with Em. I thought of all the memorable things she'd told me and made a mental note to remember all of her quotes the next time I had a panic attack.

I also remembered the night in her backyard, all the things she'd told me.

We left soon after her agreeing, making our way to the woods. Even though Emilie returned my smile every time I looked at her, I could tell something was off between us. I desperately tried to stop thinking it was because of what I'd said the night before, and even if it wasn't, I knew it was because of me.