If I Can't Have You || (N.M.)

Chapter 2

We both stood there and I waited for Nate to respond to my question. I wanted instant answers, but I tried my hardest not to act impatient. I could tell that he was looking for the best way to explain to me why he broke my heart so unexpectedly then left me to pick up all scattered pieces.

Crickets chirped in the distance and I thought about Calvin, who was probably waiting inside getting more and more upset by the second.

Finally, Nate sighed and reached into his back pocket.

My eyes followed his hands to see him pull out his tattered brown wallet, so old and frayed it was a wonder that the thing was still useable. It was the same one that he used to pull out every time he paid for ice cream. The same one that used to be home to a photograph of the two of us together, smiling and holding onto each other tight, so sure that neither of us would ever let go.

But that picture was gone now, and a new one occupied its space.

A wallet sized photo of the tiniest baby girl, all bundled up in pink and crying as she held onto a pinky finger that I knew was Nate's because of the scar right underneath the cuticle.

She was beautiful. Olive toned skin with dark curls and cheeks that any aunt at a family reunion wouldn't hesitate to pinch.

"She's mine." Nate told me without waiting for me to ask.

Though I didn't have to because I already knew. Those eyes were a dead giveaway.

I looked up at Nate who was still gazing down at the picture, beaming through all his roughness.

He was a father and he had all the love for his baby girl written across his face to show it.

But there were still so many questions and I didn't know which one to ask first.

When Nate saw that I wasn't going to speak, he went on and did all the talking.

"She was born premature and the doctors said she wasn't going to make it, but she did." He stopped to wipe a few tears before continuing, "Her name is Miracle. She's my miracle."

I watched Nate take a deep breath before tucking the photo back into its place and returning the wallet to his back pocket.

It was a moving story, it was really was. But it still didn't explain why he left before or even why he was here now.

"I- I still don't understand." I said softly. "What made you come here?"

It looked as though it pained Nate to say it, but he forced the words out anyways without even bothering to look me in the eyes.

"She was born right after we broke up," he confessed. "I- I had been cheating and I still feel terrible about it to this day."

Those words broke me even more than I thought possible.

I wasn't sure what I had wanted him to say, but that damn sure wasn't it.

"I loved you," I shook my head at him in disbelief. "How could you?"

I was absolutely disgusted with him.

"Does Miracle's mother even know that you're here?" I spat.

Nate's jaw clenched and I knew that what I said triggered something inside of him.

"Vanessa died while giving birth." his voice cracked.

I instantly wished that I could take back my words.

"I- I'm sorry," was all I could say.

Nate just sighed and turned to look at me for the first time since we'd begun our conversation.

"Look, I'm not here to make you feel bad. I wouldn't blame you if you had absolutely no sympathy for me, I did you so wrong."

I stood there silently waiting for him to get to his point.

"But please," he was practically begging me, "just help me and my daughter for one night. We don't have anywhere else to go."

So that's what this was about.

He wasn't here to try and get me back or even to apologize. He just needed my help. He needed to use me.

I looked at him and knew that I had every right to say no. He cheated on me, left me with no explanation for a whole year, then randomly returned in the middle of the night asking for a favor.

I peered over the ledge and saw his truck parked underneath us, the lights were left on and I could just make out the little girl lying asleep in her carseat.

I could have as much resentment for Nate as I wanted, but not for his daughter.

She needed a roof over her head and I couldn't deny her that.

"Fine," I told Nate, "but this isn't for you."

I didn't wait for him to thank me before turning my back and walking into my apartment without another word.

Now I had to explain this shit to Calvin.