I Have Always Been Yours

I Tore Her Down and Broke Her

Could I seriously be in love with Jesse? I mean I know I have feelings for him and a strong attraction, but is it love? I haven't been in love, at least not for a while. Not since Ryder. Ryder, my first love. The love that broke my heart. Since then, I have guarded my heart and sworn away love. I swore I would never love again. With love comes pain not too far away and I'm not sure I could take my heart breaking again.

But then there is Jesse. Jesse, who has done nothing but been there for me, and even threaten to kick Ryder's ass. I can't help but smile at that memory, when he spent the entire night letting me cry on his shoulder. That night was the worst of my life, but Jesse made it better. 7 hours of crying, having Jesse hold me after finding Ryder in bed with some blond bimbo on our one year anniversary. Talk about low eh? I can't be in love again. I won't let myself be. For now I will just see where it goes with Jason and try to push the feelings I have for Jesse aside.

I was pulled out of thought by an arm slithering its way around my waist, and sending instant shivers through my body. Just by that one reaction I didn't even have to look to find who the hand belonged too. There is only one person who can cause my body to betray the restraint I am desperately trying to maintain. The person I was just thinking about. The person I've spent my entire life thinking about. The one person I knew I wanted more than anything but had to force myself not to want.

Jesse.

Reluctantly I pulled away from the grip he had around my waist.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked, still a bit astonished by his arm that had been around my waist.

"I could ask you the same thing," he sighed with a straight face, impossible to read. Okay he lost me.

"Jesse, what are you talking about?" I asked with an exasperated sigh.

"Jason" was all he responded.

"What about him?" I gave him a confused look. His face then turned to an annoyed expression. I could see that he didn't want to talk about Jason, but hey he brought him up.

"Why did he pull you aside after class?" he shot rather abruptly. His face looked tense now, looking straight ahead not wanting to look me in the eye.

"Oh that? He just asked me if I wanted to go to his for dinner. A date.." I retorted faintly not realizing the smile plastered on my face. Now, judging by the look on his face I could see he noticed the smile and was suddenly taken back by it.

"A date? You're going on a date with that guy? Why? What the hell for?" Jesse hissed through a clenched jaw. By now everyone was looking, but I didn't notice. What I did notice, was the expression on his perfect face. It showed anger, wait no, it showed rage. His jaw was clenched into a straight line, any harder I think he would have broken his teeth from the inside. But his eyes, those perfectly beautiful eyes now held pain and what looked alot like jealousy. Why would he be jealous? Something more was coming to his eyes. I didn't see it at first, but now in the light I could see it plain as day. A clear gleaming gloss coated those brown eyes that were always happy. Tears. No, it can't be tears, probably just seeing things, just something in his eyes. Yeah that was it, something in his eyes.

"I'm going on a date with Jason because I kinda like him Jesse, maybe even alot," I whispered the last part, a little bit afraid to admit it.

I guess that moment wasn't the best time for honesty because what happened next, I wasn't expecting at all. Almost instantly, he grabbed my wrist whirling me around into him, causing my hands to come up to his chest to with stand the blow of our bodies colliding.

Jesse's POV

There they were, the 2 greatest weaknesses she had on me. Her beautiful eyes that were now staring up at me in confusion. I had to look away for a few seconds to gather myself once again so I could say what I needed to without claiming her for myself. The temptation never leaving my heart. Having her this close to me, having her in my arms, staring up at me with her gentle gaze, I couldn't help but notice how perfectly our bodies fit together. The way hers molded into mine, the way my body held her curves, like my body was made for hers. Looking down at her, I finally spoke, her words echoing in my head...

"I'm going on a date with Jason because I kinda like him Jesse, maybe even a lot. "

Hearing her words in my head again made my heart drop to my stomach, or maybe it never came back up. Regardless, I was fuming again like I had been earlier when I saw the way Jason looked at her, and I couldn't stop the words that came out of my mouth.

"He's not good enough for you!" I yelled, and not a silent yell either "that douche will never be good enough for you. I thought you learned your lesson with Ryder!" It was a yell again that caused the people who had started walking to their classes to stop and turn to us. I knew as soon as those words left my mouth that they were a poor choice, because now I wasn't the only one fuming.

"Excuse me?! Who the hell do you think you are?" she hissed at me with venom in her words, "where the hell do you get off, deciding who is and isn't good enough for me?" She was down right pissed at me, her eyes no longer soft but replaced with anger.

"Fianna I-I didn't mean.." I tried to explain myself but she cut me off.

"You have no right to judge anybody, let alone somebody you don't even know but still choose to bad mouth" she yelled this time, some of the venom disappearing from her words, "but you know what, I'm curious. If you know me so well, enlighten me Jesse, who do you think is good enough for me? Because clearly I've been getting it wrong all these years."

Her words sounded almost sarcastic, but I knew just from her tone that she was still angry. I hadn't meant for my words to sound that way and make her angry. Looking into her eyes now, I could see she was putting up her wall again. The wall I spent years knocking down. I couldn't let that happen, couldn't let her shut me out when she trusted me with everything she is. So I did the one thing I knew I could do. I let my heart take over.

I noticed she had taken a couple steps away from me and my heart ached when I saw the torment and hurt in her eyes. Before I knew what I was doing, I grabbed her hips gently and dragged her closer to me, filling the gap between us and pressing our lower halves together.

I felt her hands raise to my chest and try to push me away from her. She had tears in her eyes now, threatening to fall down her perfect face. I spoke softly now.

"Fianna I.." she cut me off again.

"No Jesse, don't. You've said more than enough for today. I knew you didn't like Jason, but I thought you would still respect the way I feel. But I thought wrong. I trusted you. Maybe that was a mistake too."

The tears were falling now, and she wouldn't look at me. It had taken me 2 years to get her to trust me again after Ryder. Two years for her to trust her heart again. Two years for her to let me in fully. But those 2 years were torn to pieces all in 10 minutes. It took me 2 years for me to build her back up, but only 10 minutes for me to destroy her. For me to destroy her and everything she is.

Fianna had stopped struggling, stopped pushing away. She just stood there, still not looking at me as her tears rolled down her face, still as perfect as ever. She was broken, every part of her. Her trust. Her heart. But worst of all, her faith in me. I knew I couldn't say anything to redeem myself, at least not right now. So I did what I didn't want to do, what my heart was telling me not to do, but letting my heart take over was what had gotten me into this mess. That or my stupid jealousy over that douche bag. I did what I knew was best at this moment. I took my hands off her waist and let her go.

She moved away instantly, not even looking back. Moving down the hallway while everyone watched her, and then all their gazes turned to me. They were glaring at me, some whispering as they walked by. I couldn't hear what they were saying, I knew they were mad because I had hurt her, but I didn't care what they said about me. I couldn't bring myself to care or even look at them. All I could do was watch as the girl I loved, walked away from me.

Every thought escaped my head, all but one. Threatening to haunt me, the thought would not leave my head.

I tore her down and broke her.