DISCONTINUED--Letters I Can't Send (draco x reader)

33

Y/n's POV

It was late when I got back, I creep into the dorm, trying my best to be quiet and not wake anyone.

I quickly change into something to sleep in and crawl into my bed, pulling out a small reading light, switch it on, and pull out my notebook. I also get my headphones and Rockland by Gracie Abrams starts playing.

I start scratching away on the paper, writing. I haven't done this in a while, but I write to my mother.

Dear mum,

I'm sorry I keep doing this. I shouldn't be doing this. But I see you almost every night in my dreams, and right now, I feel so alone it's scary. I got into fights with two people, one of which I just saw—he seemed fine. But the other, I know I hurt her. I wish I could say that I'm happy to be alone, I thought it was what I wanted, but I'm not happy. I haven't heard from dad since last year and I just hope he is okay.

I hope that wherever you are, you are looking after him, watching him and making sure he is okay.

When I spent part of the summer with the Malfoy's, I saw how they worked—how a family worked. I haven't had that in a while. And even though the Malfoy's aren't perfect, they had structure I wish I still had. A mother, father and son, despite their flaws.

I just don't understand, mum. Why did he leave? Why did he make me move to London to go to school in some castle in freaking Scotland? I miss him. I miss you too. I can't send him letters, he said so when he sent me an owl last school year. I know I can't send you letters either—I'd have to be completely and utterly insane to do that.

Some better news is: the Triwizard Tournament is starting soon and some interesting complications will make the competition much more exciting.

I just wish we were still a family. It kills me when I can't talk to you, or see you, when I go home at the end of the school year to a family I barely know.

I realize that this is getting a bit long, and I need to sleep for my charms exam tomorrow.

Love you, miss you,

Y/n

I finish the letter, and I notice that I write to her as if I were talking to her in real life. Telling myself I'm not crazy, I shut the notebook and put it the drawer of my nightstand along with my headphones. I'm about to switch off the reading light when I hear bed sheets rustling, and a groan from the bed beside me.

"Y/n?" I know that voice so well. Quinn's voice.

My head snaps in her direction and I see her sleepy face peering at me from her half sitting up position in her bed.

"Y/n? Can we talk?" her voice sounds more awake as soon as she knows it's me.

..........

We sit on a couch in the common room, a few feet from each other, candles lighting the space, it's a bit hard to see, but it'll do.

We sit in utter silence for a few minutes. I study the common room like this is the first time I've seen it, giving my eyes anywhere else to look but her.

Being the bigger person, Quinn speaks first. "I'm sorry," she says softly.

Guilt punches me in the gut. It starts in my gut and spreads all over consuming my everything. Quinn wasn't supposed to be sorry, and she didn't do anything. She is my Quinn, my Quinn. My best friend and I was petty and stupid and angry.

"No, I-I'm sorry," I say. It's all I can get off my terrible tongue. The only words that come out of my foolish mouth. I bite my cheek.

"Is that all you have to say?" I can feel her eyes on me, her short hair brushing her shoulders and her eyes looking too innocent, too sorry.

"No," I whisper. I'm barely keeping it together, I feel the tears brewing behind my eyes and I take a deep, shaky breath. "I'm so sorry Quinn. I was a complete idiot and I was angry about something else when I yelled at you that day. I hate that I yelled at you, that I took my anger out on you and I hate that we haven't spoken to each other in weeks. I hate myself the most for so easily letting us fall apart like this and I didn't mean any of it. I didn't." I bow my head so I don't have to see her reaction. What I don't tell her is, I haven't been eating because of her, I lost my appetite, I let my grades slip—just a little—I lost everything. I hate to think that I was that dependent on one person. I might have been partially dependent on one other blonde person too, but this is barely about him.

Then I start crying. Of course I do. I bury my face in my hands until I feel her arms wrap around me. Back at my old school, I never had friends like her. But Quinn, she makes it so easy  to just be. So, bury my head in her shoulder and cry.

Quinn's POV

I hold her tight, like lovers would hold each other, but nothing about it is intimate. I feel her shaking in my arms and I know this feeling much better than she thinks I do. The self-hatred, the guilt and I know exactly what she's going through. I could see it from the moment after our argument. She looked ill. Everything she did around me looked as though it hurt. I wished I could make it better for her, but I didn't know how she would feel about me speaking to her, so I never said anything at all.

Until tonight. I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to stop her, but she had to leave, so I got to her when no one else was up.

She leans back to look at me, her tear-streaked face and red eyes, I couldn't tell her next move. "I was so stupid," she says almost angrily and her eyes well up again.

"No, Y/n, you were just angry," I say, hold her shoulders. I don't want my best friend to feel like this—so low. "Shh."

We hug for a long while, because I know she needs it.

a/n: finally back together!!!!! <3 we really needed our bsf back... also whats Quinn's little backstory??? (lol jk I know what it is)

I know the lyrics of Rockland don't match up perfectly, but no one needs to relate to the lyrics of a song to like it—but I think that the album This Is What It Feels Like is kind of draco x y/n coded???? (and I LOVE Gracie with every bone in my body... so..) also Camden by Gracie Abrams (also on This Is What It Feels Like) would work WELL there.