Where the Sun Sets

Fourteen

My phone has been on DND all day. Since our psych class. Since the closet.

I mean I figured one day, probably in the far future, Spencer and I would come back to each other. She is... everything. She consumes each part of me, her fingers between every fold of my fucking brain. 

I don't hate it.

I hate how crazy it's making me.

"Haven't touched your peas, Bug." My mom's voice lulled me away from the horrible overthinking. 

Everyone at the table noticed. They've noticed for weeks. Actually, everyone has. 

I'm quiet and distant. I eat lunch in my car just to avoid her. My English and History grades went down to C's. My freestyle time dropped eight whole seconds.

I'm not me.

"I'm fine." I hope my lie is convincing. I know it's not. Shuffling around the peas on my plate, I clear my throat. "Just a lot on my mind." Closer to the truth. I genuinely can not stop the swirling of thoughts in my stupid brain. It's like TV static twenty-four fucking seven.

"I bet. I know Jessie has you guys workin'." Aunt Anna smiled at me, "Gotta make room for Thanksgiving, right Pen?"

Penelope scoffed and looked up at her mom, "Yeah." Then she looked at me, her gaze hard as a rock. I've never seen her make this expression. Ever. Especially not at me. "What's on your mind? It's clearly important enough for you to just... avoid everyone all the fucking time."

I stare at her, my heart hurting in my chest. I feel sick. I feel... fuck. She's giving me that hateful look. I feel horrible. I'm a bad friend and an even wor-

"Penelope Marie! None of that." Aunt Anna stared at Pen.

"What?" She scoffed again, her tone nothing but poison, "I'm saying she's hiding something." She looked at me again, "Wanna just spit it out?" Her gaze was cold and accusing. Her eyes full of nothing but hatred.

Nelson cleared his throat, quick to excuse himself. He won't lie to Pen but he would never sell me out. A tough spot to be in. 

That makes me feel worse. I'm keeping this nasty, embarrassing secret and I've roped my brother into it too. Now there's gonna be a rift in the house and I'm gonna throw up. Right now.

"Pen, I don't know wha-"

"Don't do that. Make me feel like I'm stupid for noticing things." She shook her head, her fork pointed at me. "Don't treat me like a blind woman watching a soap opera."

That makes no sense, Penelope.  

"Even if I was hiding something, is it the best place to talk about it here?" I glared at her, the grip on my spoon almost painful as I held her gaze. My palms are sweaty, my ears hot. I know she needs to know about... well... everything that has been going on. She deserves that. But I don't even know what's going on. 

And this is immature.

This isn't how we need to handle this. She knows that. I know she knows that.

"Fuck this." She stood up, practically throawing her plate into the sink before stomping up the stairs.

I just sat there, a dumbfounded expression on my face. 

Mom and Anna shared the same look, eyebrows raised and mouth slightly open.

I sighed and grabbed my plate, "Dinner was great, Auntie." Then I rinsed my plate and quietly made my way downstairs.

~~~