London Blue

Chapter 26. Run Run Run.

Emily woke with the sound of the shower in the bathroom. She turned in the double bed, felt the indentation left by Jessica, still warm, next to her. The act of rolling herself into Jessica's space, to move her body where Jess had been, seemed to confirm the question mark in her head. This is where she started the night, when they went to bed, she on the left side of the large double mattress. Jessica always slept on the right side, the side where Emily woke. Her toe felt the elastic of one of the discarded knickers, which one she didn't want to know.

The sound of a bird chirping could be heard near the open window. How lucky Jess was, thought Emily, to live in a city and hear birds. The effect of Battersea Park, the other side of the tree-lined, quiet residential road, with it's ''sleeping policemen'' speed bumps to slow traffic. Birds could thrive, she concluded.

She looked up as Jessica came from the bathroom to sit on the edge of the bed next to her. Jessica's kiss to her forehead was gentle, with soft words, 'Sorry, Em. I came on too strong. I just needed you.'

'I was a willing participant I seem to remember.'

Jessica nodded. 'We can talk more when I get back from work. I'll get some things from your flat.' She brushed a finger over Emily's lips and laughed. 'Meanwhile, take whatever clothes from my wardrobe. I must dash.'

She watched Jess get dressed in a frenzy as she pulled on a yellow T-shirt with pink strips, and zipped up a retro, bright pink, shiny vinyl miniskirt. It made her look like a hippy-dippy chic of the 1970s. She applied very little to her face because a make-up artist would do the job for the camera. She blew a kiss at Emily. The door in the hallway shut with a thud.

She lay back on the pillow. Words snaked through her head. I want Scott more than ever. I could promise him I would never have sex with Jess again and he would be satisfied with that. There would be no affair, as he put it. But what would happen if Jess wanted her, if Jess couldn't find her own man, couldn't find her own life away from Scott and Emily? What if it just happened again, by mistake, unplanned? What if she, Emily Gibson, wanted to support Jess through some problem she might have? Might it lead to a physical connection, a one-off release, would that be an ''affair''?

She swung her legs to the edge of the bed. I don't think I'm bi. She wanted to believe her own words. I'm firmly committed to Scott, I want him, nobody else. Though how do I justify that with an occasional thingy with Jess? I love Jess but not to have a permanent sexual relationship with her. Yet, if Jess wanted it, needed it, like last night, what then? It happened. I don't feel guilty or unhappy. But I know if Scott discovered this behind his back it would be the end of us.

She continued to listen to her thoughts as she walked into the bathroom.

*

Emily strolled over to the other side of the park and looked at the river Thames from the water's edge. It felt comforting to be alone. The clothes she wore were all Jessica's, the heavy knitted pullover last worn by her friend at the top of the stairs when Emily burst in last night. It looked like a man's pullover, a Gant label, dark blue, too large for Jess with sleeves hanging down to cover her hands. The snug fit chinos, rolled up above her ankles, fawn coloured from Fat Face, and bagged from Jessica's shoot on a beach in Cornwall. Jess seemed to always come away at the end of a fashion job with some garment she modelled, which she always called ''bagging it'', a testament to her persuasive skills to quietly get her own way.

She pondered about that: her friend's skill at the art of subtle suggestion while making it seem the other person's idea. Maybe it frightened men off which could account for why Jessica's relationships with men didn't last. But Emily didn't feel manipulated when Jess got her own way. She had respect for her success in the tough world of fashion. Utterly generous, Jessica remained the best friend ever.

A chill breeze came up from the river. The large Gant pullover kept her warm. Thoughts turned to him. She did wonder if her priorities were wrong. Her energy should be totally on Scott, rather than split. Although Jess would love to have some sort of intimate relationship it might not be the wisest thing to comply, to go along with, to share the secret. Last night in bed Jess said, ''I've only ever loved one woman this way, and that's you. Does that make me bi?'' Emily felt the same although she didn't say, felt afraid to say, and went with the flow to let it happen.

The question on Emily's mind was: could she change the flow, and did she want to?

She watched a two-person cabin cruiser slowly motor past her towards Albert Bridge, the man at the helm waved and she waved back. A smile on his face reminded her of the two nights spent with Scott on the narrow boat. She ached for him.

Two minutes later, Scott's text arrived. 'After yesterday, I need some space, so I'm flying to Boston in half an hour to do some work there. I'm sure we'll speak soon.'