Carol- what came after

-4- unspoken truths

"I'll take a dry martini with an olive," Carol told the bartender with a slight smile. Therese watched her. She was all dolled up and had a black dress on, a slim wine-red silky scarf and pumps. She wore the soft red lipstick, knowing it was her lover's favourite. Therese brushed some hair out of her face and looked around. Her fringe was getting long, almost covering her eyes. It bothered her now that she noticed, annoyed at the fact she didn't make a hairdresser appointment before going out. Making a good impression on Carol's friend was one of her priorities, though she couldn't tell why.  The bar had charm to it- the empty bottles, once filled with rich and heavy liquor, were now placed on shelves as decoration, the dim light in the room reflecting in the red, green or orange glass, setting the room in a cosy mood. The bar was filled with soft sounds of jazz, and the piano was slightly out of tune, but none seemed to notice. 

Carol was unease the whole day, reluctant to let Therese know what was wrong, but also too confident in keeping her facade up, making her seem unapproachable. Therese was too shy to ask, too scared to hit a nerve. 

Carol's uneasy tipping of the fingers onto the table didn't go unnoticed, almost as if in the queue. They had gone with friends out to a downtown bar, Therese had never been there before. She wasn't that outgoing, but she saw Carol may need something stronger than a glass of red wine on their sofa. 

"So, John told me you started your job as a buyer. How's that going?" Jeannette, an old friend of Carol, asked her. Carol gave a shrug of the shoulder and a short answer that left no room for further questions. The mood was indifferent. 

"I've started a job at the New York Times," Therese said softly, wanting to somehow engage in the conversation she was left out of until now. Jeanette raised her eyebrows, "You're quite young for being a writer," She marked, leaving Therese feeling slightly embarrassed. 

"Well, I don't write. I take photos." She clarified, glancing at Carol, who seemingly wasn't paying any attention to their conversation.

"Ah," Jeanette said simply, sipping on her drink,  leaving no room to continue the conversation in any way, the awkwardness of the situation not going unnoticed. Therese felt awkward, she started sweating in her woollen dress. 

The martini with one olive was put in front of Carol. Therese knew she preferred two.

"Thank you" Carol's voice was quiet, and suddenly Therese's skin felt hot and cold at once. She felt as if her scarf was tightening around her small neck. She took it off, leaving it unfolded on the counter. She didn't like the mood her partner was in, after everything she had noticed today, the evening wouldn't turn out to be more pleasant. She looked around and everything felt off. Carol's friends were older, and Therese didn't get to talk to them in the way she wanted. Whenever she went out, she felt left out, immature and just slightly unwanted. She looked at Carol, her gaze towards the martini, she was slowly spinning the drink with two fingers at the base. 

As Therese grew more uncomfortable and listened to what Carol talked about with her friends, she sat in silence, rather at the other side of the table. The alcohol had its toll on Carol and made her loosen up, Carol started to smile, not genuinely but drunkenly, and she only wished to be home and in bed.

 Alone, to be exact.

As the evening came to an end, Therese said her awkward goodbyes and walked out of the bar with Carol, who was holding on to her arm, having had one martini too much. The cool air outside made her tremble under her thin jacket. She chose the thin jacket over the winter one, out of style reasons, regretting her choices the minute she had stepped out of her front door several hours before.

"You were awfully quiet tonight, Therese.", Carol lit a cigarette and brought it to her mouth, taking a drag. She didn't look at Therese, her eyes gazed into the distance along the pathway, seeming just as lost in thought as her lover had been the whole evening. 

"I'm just tired," Therese mumbled, her feet slowly starting to hurt in her shoes. 

"You always say that." Carol breathed and exhaled some smoke. Was she annoyed? Therese couldn't tell, too tired to ask further, not wanting to cause an argument. The awkward silence stretched ahead the whole way home. Therese looked down, her feet hurting in her high shoes, not knowing why they had decided to walk instead of calling a cab, wanting to escape the odd situation. 

"I think Jeanette doesn't like me", the younger woman broke the silence. A slight glance from Carol, a little sigh. 

"How's that?" 

"I don't know. I feel like she never is at ease, whenever I'm around." Therese mumbled into the light, a single car driving past them, soft Blue's music was playing from an apartment next to them with an open window. They continued walking. 

"Jeanette can be.." Carol hesitated as if trying to find the right words, "she can be difficult at times. She doesn't like opening up to everyone." 

"Is it my age or something else?" Therese asked, already sensing the answer. Their age gap was always going to bother someone she knew already.

"I don't know." A flat answer. Therese dropped the topic.

They arrived at home soon after, entering the apartment in silence. Therese got out of her shoes, the relief of not having to walk in heels making her sigh. Carol took off her long fur coat, walking into the bedroom and sitting on the bedside. She took her cashmere sweater off, along with her jewellery. 

Therese joined her, silently asking, "Are you happy, Carol?"

In response, Carol let out a chuckle, but not a genuine one. "Now, who's still happy these days?" Apart from her trying to brush the question off, Therese could see the pain in Carol's eyes. She knew how much the divorce and not seeing Rindy affected her. Too busy neglecting herself, always trying to push the idea of talking away, it was obvious she was hurting. 

"You miss Rindy," Therese spoke softly, speaking the truth out loud, taking her lover's hand in her own. 

"Always.." Carol's voice had now only minimised to a slight whisper as if scared to admit. A single tear fell from Carol's eye, dripping down her cheeks, before falling onto the silky bedsheets beneath them, leaving a single stain. Therese reached out and pulled her close, her lips brushing over her right eyelid before gently kissing over to her left. Gently, she laid down with her, hugging her and running her fingers over her back. Carol's eyes fluttered shut, letting herself go, a rare occasion, normally solely keeping a consistent facade up, she now leaned into Therese's touch, relaxing slowly. Even if she tended to be mostly private at times, Theres enjoyed the moments in which Carol let go. This was usually a Friday evening, after she had a long day at work, when she was tipsy, like now,  or after getting a call from Harge, regarding the rare updates about their daughter. 

Carol fell asleep in Therese's arms, not even bothering to get out of the dress she had worn to go out. Therese watched the sleeping woman in her arms, the rings under her eyes, the wrinkles in the corners of her eyes that made her far more precious and beautiful. She wondered what Carol kept away from her, what thoughts were going through her mind truly. 

As she was lulled into sleep, Therese couldn't help but wonder: Would Carol truly be hers one day? 

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Jesus, after what feels like an eternity, I finally managed to write another chapter. Reading your guys' reviews on this story inspired me to keep going- so here it is!  

I intentionally didn't write a super fluffy and sweet chapter, because it tends to be overlooked that Carol's and Therese's relationship was mostly pretty toxic, especially seen in the book. But don't worry, nicer chapters will come too- I just wanted to keep the story close to "reality". 

I hope I'll find time to give y'all updates more often- I'd appreciate an honest review! <3

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