𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐀𝐖𝐍 | the 100

36 | Dead Weight

"You killed them."

‧ ✩ ｡ ✭ ° ☆ ･ _______ ･ ☆ ° ✭ ｡ ✩ ‧

A tense silence settles over the group of three as they move through the increasingly humid weather. Finn takes the lead, covering ground with killer focus, pushing forward without so much as a glance over his shoulder to check if the others are keeping up. Amber bites her lip, reminded of when they ran from the Reapers. At least he had the decency back then to shout some encouragement.

Despite her clumsy feet, Murphy trails behind her like a lost puppy. She would love to shout at him but is afraid of Finn leaving her behind, and the last thing she wants is to be alone with Murphy, so they haven't uttered a word to each other since they left the others. But it's clear Murphy is only an opportunity away from speaking to her.

Not willing to give it to him, she trudges on, fuming just underneath the stern surface, when she misplaces her foot and slips on a stone. Murphy is immediately there, catching her by the arm. His touch sends a surge of fire through her, an irritation she has to shake off.

"Let go," she mumbles, not with as much bite as she had hoped, and yanks herself free. She doesn't want to waste a second on him. But before she can set her legs into motion again, she makes the mistake of giving him a glance.

His face is soft. Pained. She might have armored herself against any words or excuses he could come up with but she's defenseless against his vulnerability.

She sighs. Might as well get it over with.

"Why are you here, Murphy?" she demands, replaying the moment in the dropship, the rifle in his hands, the bloody cloth. If she scorches her mind of any good memory she shared with him, maybe she can face him with the coldness he deserves.

His face falters when she searches it for an answer, and when none comes, she simply turns her back on him to follow Finn, who is now barely visible between the trees.

"I want to find the others," Murphy hurries to answer, close at her step.

She snorts, unimpressed. "Like you care."

"Amber..." She almost stops at the tone of his voice, but she trudges on even as she hears him slow to a halt. A sigh, then he calls out, "I wanted to find you."

Her heart revolts. She whirls around, deserting the attempt to seem as indifferent as he was in the dropship. "Go float yourself."

"I'm sorry." The apology blindsides her and the insults scorching their way to her tongue shrivel and die in her throat, leaving her speechless. He takes the opening. "You're right, I wanted to kill Myles, I wanted to kill Bellamy. I don't have time for regrets so I've never let anything stop me from doing what I want." A beat of silence stretches, but just when she's recovered and is about to interrupt, he continues. "But if I could take it back, if I could save you from being hurt, I would."

She somehow hates him more for apologizing. She hates herself for wanting to believe it's genuine.

"I don't forgive you." Her throat burns from pushing the snarl out. "You're a leech. I wanted you to be more, but you're not. And I was blind with- with-" she stumbles over her own words, "with pity to see it in time. But I have no pity for you anymore."

"I know... I know, but I am sorry," he murmurs. Despite the defeat visibly weighing him down, he pushes through. "I wish-" He pauses. "I wish Jules was still here for you."