runaway > 5sos

chapter 6

samantha

i cheated on you.

i cheated on you.

i cheated on you.

i cheated on you.

thats all that kept replaying in my head, and i didnt know what to do. its like i went from drunk, instantly back to sober. and i dont think Luke realized that. I just stood there, looking at him. i swallowed hard, and walked away. he followed me, and kept quiet. i went out to the edge of the road, and called a cab. luke didnt say anything, its like he knew this would happen. when i got in, he just stood there, and i swear i saw a single tear run down his face.

When i got home, i went straight to my room and just laid there. i didnt know what to do. i was expecting to feel so sad and emotional, but honestly, i feel relieved that he finally told me. and that he wasnt keeping secrets anymore. obviously, i want to know more. obviously, im mad and sad. but i just need some time to my self. i need time to think.

I stepped into the shower, letting the water take my stress down with it. unfortunetly, it didnt. When i got out of the shower i took off the rest of my makeup and changed into some pajamas. i crawled into bed and tried to sleep, but i couldnt. all my emotions just hit me at once and i began to cry. no matter how hard i tried to stop, i couldnt. It just kept coming, and i knew this is good for me. i have been holding in all of my emotions lately and i need to let them out. you can only be strong for so long. i eventually cried myself to sleep, even though thats not a healthy thing to do.

I woke up and my face and pillow were both tear stained, and then i remember what happened yesterday. i wanted to get out of bed, but i couldnt. it feels impossible. so instead of getting up, i just grabbed my laptop from my bedside table and decided to binge watch netflix all day, because its not like i have anything else to do. i dont want to see luke, so i cant leave my room. thats the bad part with living with your boyfriend. or whatever he is now.

After about 3 days, i finished watching gossip girl and i was bored, so i decided to turn on pandora and check twitter. of course, Little Do You Know by Alex and Sierra came on. Which didnt help my emotions at all. but i didnt want to skip it. it basically sums up my feelings. while i was scrolling through twitter, i decided to look through my mentions, something i dont do often.

"apparently Samantha cheated on Luke. what a whore."

"woww shes ugly."

"i honestly never really liked samantha. all she does is make luke less focused on what he is doing and uses him."

"whore. "

"shes just a big screw up."

"i think shes anorexic, i met her at the mall before."

I couldnt help but cry, knowing that not only luke, but all of his fans hate me. i dont even know what to do anymore. i just laid there, i couldnt move. i couldnt cry. i couldnt do anything really.

Luke came barging in my door angerly and i just looked at him.

"im sorry. my fans act like they know whats going on but they dont. please dont listen to them." he cooed, pulling me into his side. I have never felt more relieved then in that moment. The tears came, and luke didnt seem to mind. he just rubbed my back and hummed.

After awhile of just crying and being emotional in general, i was okay again.

"are you okay now?" luke asked. i just shrugged.

" i hate being okay. because okay isnt happy but its not bad enough for anyone to care." i explained, and i could see his eyes started to tear up, but he blinked it away.

"can we talk now? about everything?" i asked, knowing that i could never possibly feel worse then i just did. so i might as well get this done and over with. i played with the end of his flannel until he answered.

"of course."