Her Vice

(25): The Pressure.

I rented out a condo back home temporarily, sitting on the floor of the living room as I took a long stoke from my blunt. The Weeknd's voice booming against the vacant walls as I unwinded in my own company.

Gulping down the white wine, loving the way it sat. My doorbell rang and I sighed before picking myself up, strolling towards it and unbolting the door. Glancing him over, as he shook the rain from his jacket before stepping through. "Why is it so damn dark in here?" He sighed before switching the lights on and practically blinding me. He neared me when he glanced over my appearance. "You been crying?" I shrugged knowing damn well I have for the past two days. He set his wet jacket and shoes near the door before coming to the living room and sitting on the same couch as me, "Why'd you come back? I mean not that I'm upset, just why?" He glanced me over and I put my head in my hands.

"I'm losing myself and I just don't know what to do anymore. I wanna do the right thing but what is that, like I have nothing to really give. I have a whole child, Rakim, that needs me and I don't know the first thing of loving her. I haven't even learned to love myself yet, I'm just a broken being and don't know what to do. How do I do it? What I'm 'pose-" I broke down in tears, he grabbed me tightly. Coming undone in his arms as the tears didn't seem like they wanted to end. He pecked my forehead gently and squeezed me before releasing me,"I can't really tell you what to do cause I know you won't listen to me." He smirked slowly making me roll my eyes playfully.

"You just really need to stop being so damn hard on yourself, seriously. I'm a parent too I'm going to make mistakes but she don't look for much out of you but affection. I feel if you can give it to ya boyfriend what's the difference of her getting some. When I saw you playing with her, showing her attention instead of neglecting her you don't know how much that shit made her day. I've never seen that girl smile that hard, she looks at you like her God or something. You're perfection in her eyes, all the wrong you do is nothing to her. All she needs is you. Simple mama," he wrapped his arm around m firmly. I nodded slowly and inhaled his cologne that brought me comfort.

"Do you love me?" I glanced up at him slowly, he sat there still and silent making my gut do flips. "I'll take that as a no." I pulled away from him and lifted my glass before gulping. He pulled me back into him looking me back deep in my eyes.

"Listen, you're mine. Even if I'm not yours. No expectations. This isn't an over the top deceleration of love or a way of working my way into your heart. We're friends, and I'm grateful for that. This is just a promise is for you ever need me, I'd move the earth to be there." My heart thudded and I pulled his face close to mine. "But simply, yes, I do love you."

"I love you too," I pecked his lips softly and glanced up at him slowly. Almost asking for approval, he let out a shaky sigh before lifting his shirt. Revealing his tatted chest and picking me up by my waist, kissing me intensely. Holding his face in my shaking hands as he backed me into a wall and moved his lips to my neck. Moaning and gripping the back of his neck as he left love marks along my neck and collarbone. My body aching as I yearned for him, he grabbed my shirt rushing it off leaving me in my underwear. Kissing across my exposed chest and nipping at the sensitive skin. Glaring back up at me with those fiery eyes, making my soul weak. Lifting his head and sloppily making out with him as he pushed me back onto the couch. Pulling him right on top of me as he traveled his way down my body, kissing around my navel while playing with my underwear. Panting as I grew anticipated for him. He glanced down at me before lifting and pecking my forehead, lifting up.

"I can't," he put his shirt back on and grabbed his things by the door.

"What?" My heart pounded in my chest.

"I'm just gon' go, plus I got my little sister watching Sasha an-"

"It's cool, Rakim. You don't have to justify it," I put my shirt back on. "I'll walk you out." I smiled small and followed behind him to the door.

"Glad you understand, uh, good night. Take care," he pecked my forehead softly and walked out to the calmed storm. Biting into my lip as I slowly closed the door. Putting my head against the mahogany, "Lord." My phone buzzed causing my weary eyes to look for it. It was on the coffee table, seeing that it was Carlito. Hesitantly I answered it.

"Hey."

"What you mean hey? Where the fuck you go, Trinity? Got my blood pressure high as a bitch." He gritted making me sigh and search the fridge for something to eat. Pulling out a frozen pizza and glancing over the instructions.

"My bad, babe, I just needed to clear my mind awhile."

"You didn't bother to let me know further details of that? Like are you safe? Where are you anyways?"

"I'm home, don't stress I'll be back in the next day or two. Just needed to see my daughter and friends. Catch a break."

"Are you ever going to explain to me what happened back at the restaurant? You scared the hell out of me, you know what happened, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine Carlito! I promise you, would
I ever lie?" I smiled into the phone before pouring myself another glass of wine. This had to be about my third bottle in the past few days I've been here.

"I guess not, but Beau stressing me so I gotta let ya go."

"Okay, love you." I rushed with a tighten at my throat.

"I love you too, Trin." He hung up and I placed the pizza in the oven and tried not to stress. That didn't work well.