Survivor's Guilt ~ A Marvel Story

~22~

"What is this place?" Thor asked as we walked up the stairs of a big white farmhouse. There was almost nothing around except for fields and trees and it strangely reminded me of Asgard. The way the sun made everything look orange and warm. A feeling of homesickness settled in my stomach.

"Safe house." Was all Tony replied with. 

Agent Hill suggested we not go back to the tower because of the controversy with Bruce right now. Hulk hurt a lot of people when he turned in Africa and people are scared of him right now. So, Clint flew us here.

"Let's hope," Clint says, opening the door as Nat still leans on him. She was really shaken up. "Honey, I'm home!" He shouts as we all file in and line up in a small room facing the kitchen. "Hi, company. Sorry, I didn't call ahead."

The woman stared at us with a smile on her face. The swell of her pregnancy showed underneath her pink floral shirt. 

"Everyone, this is Laura," He said, one arm wrapped around her waist.

"I- I know all your names," She replied with an awkward laugh which faded away as she looked at me. I bit the inside of my cheek to not feel a pang of guilt. 

Two kids came running down the stairs, excitedly calling to their dad. I smiled as Clint pulled them both into a big hug. It was nice seeing a happy family. One thing I ached for.

I blinked quickly to avoid the sting of tears when I looked down. Two big brown eyes were staring up at me with a curious look on her face. I crouched down to her eye level and she pointed to the golden ring on my thumb. 

"It helps me control my powers," I told her softly.

"What are your powers?" She wondered curiously.

"I can create things out of energy that I pull from my realm, Asgard."

She smiled a toothy smile. "Can you make a bunny?"

I laughed a little at the request. No one had ever asked me to make anything other than a weapon and I hadn't ever needed to. Besides my mother's funeral which brought back a sickly memory. A wound that was still raw. Still, I opened my palm and imagined the fluffy creature. The blue of my power lit up her face as she stared in wonder.

"Don't touch it," I told her quickly, noticing her hand twitch. "It would burn you really bad."

My gaze was dragged away as I saw my brother silently walk out of the house. I stood and quickly followed him.

"Thor?" I called after him.

"I saw something in that dream. I need answers. I won't find them here," He said quickly.

"Thor-" I went to ask him to take me but before I could, he was already gone, flying through the air. He'd left me with people who thought I was a murderer. I was outnumbered without anyone on my side. 

My skin felt hot with annoyance as I rolled my eyes and slapped my hands on my thighs before walking back into the house.

The team looked at me before Steve asked where Thor was. 

"That's a great question but unfortunately he did not tell me. Something about needing to figure out what was in the dream."

I was given a change of clothes. A pair of black jeans, a dark green tank top, and a white sweater. I looked mortal but it was better than my armor. 

That feeling of homesickness came back as I sat on the edge of the small bed. I ran a hand through my white hair as I thought of my mother. Her laugh, her smile. I thought about how I'd never see her again and how if I hadn't gone to New York, maybe I wouldn't have been in jail and maybe I could've saved her. 

I thought of Loki and how he sacrificed himself. About how he told Thor and I that he had done it for us. He had done it for us even though I had hated him for saying I wasn't his sister and his last moments had been trying to make amends for a stupid argument.

My home, my people. I was caged but in some ways, life was simple. But I hated my life back home. My father not stopping me from leaving Asgard showed that he wanted me out of his sight. 

I wondered what Rune was getting up to these days and if I'd ever see him. Would I ever go home again? Would father ever want to see me again? His disgrace, his manipulator. 

"What's up?" Natasha spoke from the doorway I hadn't noticed her leaning on. 

I snapped my head up, trying not to look weak. She had changed into black jeans and a gray shirt. 

"Nothing," I responded quickly but she shook her head and walked in, shutting the door gently behind her. For a moment, fear shot through me. We had been on good terms but maybe seeing what I could do physically and mentally had renewed her sense of distrust in me. "If this is about what I did on the ship... taking your dream away-"

"No, it's not that," She said and a sigh of relief shook me. "Thank you for that, actually." 

"Yeah, of course."

She sat down on the bed next to me, her hair damp from her shower. "What's wrong is what I should've asked." Her eyes bore into mine. "Don't lie and tell me nothing again."

I opened my mouth to protest but shut it quickly. No one had ever really checked up on me, especially when I wasn't the most affected one. All the attention about Loki's death had gone to my mother and father since they had lost a child. Even though I'd lost my rock. When Loki died a second time, I didn't stick around to see everyone grieve with my father's false tears. 

"Just a little homesick is all," I replied earnestly. She looked away from me and nodded, her hands folded in her lap and her body was tense. "Are you cold? Here, they gave me an extra jacket but I'm rarely cold." I passed her the black jacket and she took it gratefully. 

"What is Asgard like? Thor doesn't really talk about his home." I furrowed my brows at that statement. You'd think Thor would boast all about the realm he was due to claim. 

"It's beautiful," I conceded with a soft smile. "The castle and the main town are surrounded by tall mountains with river valleys flowing between them. And everything is made out of gold."

"Everything?"

"Yeah, just about. It's gorgeous when the sun is setting." I reminisced on my home and ached to return. 

Without looking at me she said, "But what is it like for you?" I twisted my head to look at her quizzically. "You don't have to answer it's just- I know when people have been hurt."

I sat in silence for a moment, not knowing what to say. I remembered her vision. Her shaking hand pointing a gun at a hooded man.

You're going to break them.

Only the breakable ones.

Whoever, whatever, was in her past was horrid. 

"I know you've made a bad decision," She continued without a response. "But one decision does not determine your fate." I felt as though she needed to say the words for more than just my benefit. 

I shook my head, biting back the hot tears. "Loki is my brother. I'd do anything for him and honestly, at the time, I needed to fight for myself."

"Look, I understand. And honestly, Astrid, if I had your powers, I'd burn down the world for my family."