Sincerely, Hell

12.43 AM

APRIL 13TH, 2013

Dear Miss Sakina Issa,

We are writing to inform you that as of 12.43 AM this morning, you have officially become the one out of every 100 individuals to be affected by schizophrenia in their lifetime. Congratulations!

The symptoms of schizophrenia have been identified for decades, however, being new to your adolescence, you may be unfamiliar with the ramifications of your particular sub-type of the illness: paranoid schizophrenia.

Starting on the day of your informal diagnosis [April 13th, 2013], you will be plagued with a multitude of nightmares, the first commencing at 12.49 AM, an approximate six minutes from now. Every night following this for two weeks, you will close your eyes in hopes of rest, only to be torn from the arms of slumber by intense and horrifying dreams. You will begin to receive less sleep, giving it up in hopes of peace, but even when waking, these visions will haunt you, tracks stuck on repeat in your mind, making you relive the horrors of your worst fears and revelations.

To ward these apparitions off, you will spend as much time socialising with your friends as possible, but they too will be affected, the change in your stance and resolution too obvious to them. This will turn them off; they will be repulsed by the wary, skittish way you act, and slowly, they will drift away. This will tear you apart, and it will break you. You will question your own self-worth, whether you were a worthy friend, and all the while, the phantoms will be there, smirking at your defeat.

Soon though, it won't matter. The betrayals, the abandonment will mean nothing as you enter what is formally known as the prodromal phase, but what we like to call the start of the end.

Sleep-deprived and friendless, you will withdraw from your life. Your grades will drop; your social life will gather dust, emotions dulling, ambitions disappearing. Joy, despair, anger, it will all fade until there is nothing left but an empty void where your personality used to be. And you won't care.

It is at this point that your family will finally start to take notice. Without any friends to point out your reclusive behavior, it is only then that they will become aware of your deteriorating state. They will no longer be able to rouse your interest with surprise holidays, or make you cry with harsh words; you will be immune to it all, a robot of titanium, head filled with nothing but smoke, heart with nothing but stone.

But never fear, you are not destined to be a statue of disinterest forever. On May 13th, a month after the dream that started it all, you will be sitting in silence in your empty house, your family long since given up trying to interact with you. With no reason to play music or speak to anyone, your room with its whitewashed walls and closed shutters will be noiseless, even your breathing making no sound.

And it is on the canvas of potent quietude that next scene of your journey with schizophrenia is painted: the active phase. This, Miss Issa, is where the real fun begins.

The active phase is essentially what comes to mind when you envision schizophrenia. The hallucinations, the delusions, the disordered speech, the whole deal. And you have the privilege of experiencing it all.

Sitting on your bed in absolute hush, you will feel a tingling up your spine. A sensation is being reeled up from deep within your soul, one that you thought had abandoned you along with everything else. Like a creeping shadow, this feeling is back, but this time, no hugs or soft words are going to scare it away. This, my dear, is fear.

From that point on, your life will be chaos. Hallucinations will plague you, waking and otherwise. Vivid and gruesome, they'll become your own personal theatre, a documentary filmed just for you. Spirits and devils will become your best friends, peace and quiet your worst enemies.

You'll stop sleeping altogether, unable to face the visions that haunt your nightmares. Your lights will always burn brightly, your music a blaring white noise whenever headphones are available- screaming whenever they're not -the glare and sound your best attempt at driving the demons away. For you've been taught that when there is no silence, the voices cannot speak, when there is no darkness, the phantoms cannot see. You've been taught that if you're brave, even your screams may be loud enough to save yourself.

But do not think that it will be that easy. Because there comes a time when the light will burn out, there comes a time when the music is just not loud enough. There will come a time when your guard slips, ever so slightly. And we swear on the name of the Devil down below that when that time comes, we'll be back.

And even we don't know what will happen then. Maybe you'll claw your way to safety, maybe you'll succumb to the constant screams. Maybe you'll simply fade away. After the active phase, your story is unwritten, pages as blank as your empty heart.

But that is all a thing of the future, and for now, the only thing that you should be focusing on is the present. We encourage you to savour your next 5 minutes of rest, revitalise yourself as much as possible. Allow yourself a bit of time to engage in some relaxing 'delta sleep' before the schizophrenia commences; you'll need all the energy you can get.

On that note, we look forward to meeting with you very soon, Miss Issa. We wish you many sleepless nights and the toughest battle you can conjure.

Greatest regards,

The Demons from Your Head

Hey everyone!

This is my entry for The Heart Project Contest run by Tiara_Das and ellipticaldrizzle. The project focuses on raising awareness for and supporting anyone who has or is suffering from mental illnesses, and there are some really inspiring stories, so go check it out on 's account!

I hope you enjoyed reading "Sincerely, Hell", and feel free to leave any thoughts or tips in the comments! Thanks to all of you!

-chip1232

i'm really cute

and lovely

and beautiful

and so loved

yay :)