You're My Hope for the Future

Chapter 12

"Why don't you go sit down, I'll get us a drink." Hannah smiled.

"Uh, okay." Paul said uncertainly, watching as Hannah disappeared into the kitchen. He sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair as he headed into the living room. Now that he was in her house, he was starting to feel anxious again. He'd already blown it once, he couldn't afford to do it again. He shrugged his jacket off, draping it on the back of the armchair before taking a seat on one of the sofas.

A couple of minutes later, Hannah entered the room carrying a bottle of wine and two glasses. She smiled at Paul as she set her goods down on the coffee table before pouring two generous helpings. She moved back towards the sofa, handing Paul a glass.

"There ya go!" She grinned, settling down beside him. She pulled her legs up underneath her and leant against his side as she took a sip of her wine.

They sat there and chatted about anything and everything as they drank. Having finished her glass, Hannah turned to Paul and took his out of his hand, placing it on the coffee table as he protested.

"Hey! I was drinking that!"

"You can finish it later." Hannah smirked, moving to straddle his lap, wrapping her arms loosely around his neck. Paul's hands immediately came up to hold her at the waist as she dipped her head down to kiss him.

As the kiss deepened, Paul's hands skirted around the bottom of Hannah's top, gradually sneaking underneath. As his fingertips danced across her skin, Hannah felt goosebumps creeping up her sides and down her arms. She finally thought she was getting somewhere with him and decided to try again to take things further.

Just as Hannah was about to attempt to unbutton his shirt again, Paul suddenly pulled his hands away as if he'd been burnt. Confused, Hannah brought her head back to look at him. There was that look on his face again, the one where he looked like he was struggling to make sense of things in his head. Growling in frustration, Hannah got off his lap, slumping down onto the seat next to him. After a moment of silence, Paul whispered into an air thick with tension.

"I'm sorry."

Hannah sat up and looked over at him. "What is going on with you Paul? Every time I try to get close to you, you tense up or push me away. I... I thought you wanted to be with me. I thought we were going to make a go of this. We can't do that if you push me away every time I do anything other than kiss you!"

When Paul simply continued to stare at his lap, his hands clenched into fists, Hannah tentatively reached out to take one of his hands in hers. When he falteringly laced their fingers together, she let out a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding.

"Paul." She said gently, tugging on his hand a little to get his attention. He glanced up at her with a distressed expression on his face. "If this is going to work, we need to be honest with each other."

"I'm sorry Han, I just..." Paul began before stopping and rubbing his hand tiredly over his face, looking back down at his lap.

A long silence followed, but Hannah knew better than to try to fill it. Paul needed to order his thoughts without her butting into them. She knew that he'd finish what he was saying; she just needed to give him the time.

"Hannah, this... all this. I've been waiting so long for it, and now that it's here... it feels like a dream. It doesn't feel like it's real. It's almost like... like... someone's playing a cruel joke and any minute now, you're going to turn round and tell me it wasn't real." Paul looked up at Hannah, a sadness in his eyes that she hated to see.

He looked broken, and she wasn't sure what she could do about it. As he took a shaky breath, she pulled his hand over into her lap, holding it tightly in both of hers and rubbing her thumb across the soft skin on his wrist.