Dead Love | Michael Clifford

seven.

"He was my older brother... But he wasn't just my older brother. He was my parent, my guardian, my partner in crime, my hero, my role model... My best friend," I smile although there are tears forming in my eyes. "I didn't have a mom and dad, I had Jareth. My dad died when I was four and my mom turned to alcohol. She became a slut and didn't even treat us like her own children. She treated us like monsters. Jare was all I had. He was three years older than me and pretty much took care of me while my mom worked all day at a fucking strip club. She came home with a different man almost every night."
A tear rolls down my cheek and Mikey reaches over with his free hand to wipe it away.
"Go on," he insists, squeezing my hand.
"Jareth introduced me to bands and rock music and we would listen to it constantly. I looked up to him. He had a group of friends who were around his age and I remember them looking like the type of teenage punks your parents warn you not to hang around. But our parents never warned us. At first these friends of his would make fun of me when he brought me to hang out with them, but he stood up for me and they pretty much all accepted me as their younger sibling. Later on when I was about eleven, I learned the meaning of straightedge which all of those friends identified as. If you don't know, it means you don't drink alcohol, do drugs, or have casual sex. I liked the idea because I had no interest in ever becoming like my mom. So I vowed to be like Jare and his friends."
I look over to find Mikey still watching me intently. He smiles and wiggles his fingers against my hand.
"Keep going, I want to know the rest," he says.
"Okay, well... I went to school that whole time. I was in all honours and gifted classes which was so freaking stressful. But he helped me with all of my homework and assignments while somehow managing to excel in his own classes. I was interested in medical science but in grade school you don't get to choose what you learn. So I went into high school and took medical science classes. But then this weird thing happened my second year of high school. The world ended. Jareth and our friends and I hid out in his girlfriend's basement while they attacked. She had lots of room there and few resources so we made a team and when the zombies had died down, we snuck out past them and gathered supplies we'd need from our houses. Oh by the way, this girlfriend lady is Jasmyn. One of our friends had been obsessed with weapons and she helped us find and use a ton of different ones. Guess which friend that would be."
"Kyra?" He guesses.
"Yup. Amanda had brute strength and was able to fight the enemy easily. She had a good eye for what would be useful as well. Then there was me. The little, educated sister who knew how to use medicine and heal people. The others all could be useful in different ways. But they all died. Whenever one of them did, that night Jareth would have each of us light a candle and hold it while sitting in a circle and say things we liked about that person or a good memory we had with them... We never got to do it... For him..." I stop talking because my voice fails as I hold back sobs. I look over at Mikey again, who's still holding my hand tightly. His smile is gone, replaced by a worried expression.
He lets go of my hand to pull me into his arms. I cry against his chest and he rubs my back soothingly.
"He died for Kyra," I sob into his shirt. "He lived for every single one of the twelve of us, including himself."
"Hey, I get how you're feeling. If I lost any one of my three brothers, I don't know what I'd do," he says, his face next to my ear. "You know what we should do?"
I shake my head because I can't speak.
"We should give him the ceremony he deserves."
I smile through the tears and nod against his chest. He gets up, leaving me cold on the bed and grabs a match and the two candles we'd burned tonight.
Mikey lights the candles and hands me one after I sit up, then he sits across from me. I smear away my tears with one hand and then start how Jare used to start, my voice slightly shaky.
"We are gathered here tonight to honour the life and death of Jareth Alexander Luna. If anyone would like to speak in his memory, please do."
"I would like to say that at first I though Jareth was an ex-boyfriend of yours or something but I was quick to judge and made a terrible mistake in doing so. By listening to you talk about him, I realise that he was an amazing person and I wish I could have met him. And although I never did meet him, I shall never forget him. He was one of the biggest parts in this beautiful girl's life and although we can't bring him back, and although it's fucked up that he had to die at such a young age, you'll always have your wonderful memories of him."
"Michael, that was brilliant," I whisper, though I still haven't stopped crying. "I am extremely grateful to have had my brother and everything he did for me. I wish I had the chance to at least thank him before he died. One of my favourite memories with him is... Kinda stupid, now that I know what was happening. Our mom came home from work late at night with another man and they were making weird moaning noises in the living room. Jareth started playing All Time Low loudly so we wouldn't hear their noises outside of our bedroom. We both started singing along to Weightless and drowned out the sounds of our irresponsible parent having couch sex."
Mikey laughs a little at my memory and I smile at him through my tears, then end our ceremony thing.
"I hope that Jareth is at peace and that my friends and I can accept his passing and one day look back happily at our memories with him," I say, finishing the ritual, then blow out my candle. Michael does the same and I put both of our candles on the night stand.
Finally we lay back down together and he grabs my hand again. I feel my cheeks become warm in the darkness. I trust Michael, and I don't want him to ruin that.
My eyelids droop and I close my eyes, drifting off quickly.