Sugar

Yoshi City

It takes a second of Zak nudging me before I respond, slowly opening my eyes to a dizzy and blurred view of Stockholm at night- It's breath taking. I speak softly, "Benji we're heree!" but he doesn't stir. Zak catches my expression, "It's alright, give him a day." I nod, unconvinced but still grateful for the reassurance. 

Axel is reclined over the bag check hitting his vape while Zak films him, giggling like a little kid. Ludwig and Jonte have their phones open as they loosely coordinate plans and transportation and I'm standing with Benjamin, who is barely awake but still eager to get going. 

We file into two taxis and head off, everyone is staying at their own place, but I can comfortably predict that most of our time here will be spent in Jonte's penthouse, which is where we're going first. 

Jonte's Stockholm apartment isn't too different from that of London, but it's evident that he's owned it for longer. The interior is more reminiscent of his younger self with posters and obnoxious designer artworks abound. The guys who are staying with him dump their bags in the spare rooms. Benjamin has already reclined on the couch with his forearm over his eyes. I ask him if he wants a cigarette, he nods and shuffles out to the balcony with me. 

"You okay?" I mutter around the filter pursed in my lips. He nods. "Tired?" He nods again. I sigh. He's gone so cold, I just want him to talk to me, yet, I find myself torn between pressing it further or just shutting the fuck up. 

He breaks the silence, his voice hoarse, "So you wanna stay with me or with Jonte?" I m stunned for a second. "Why?" He shrugs, wincing as he takes a drag, "Just thought you'd enjoy yourself more." My brow furrows and my stomach churns, "What, you don't want me to stay at yours?" 

He sighs, biting his lip. "This is moving a little fast don't you think? Like, you're here with everyone and I just don't know that I can handle a...." he swallows. "A girlfriend.. right now..."  My heart drops, I'm upset, I'm furious, he's the one who invited me here and now he changes his mind? But I digress.

I clear my throat, "That's fine." he looks me over, taken aback as he scans my expression, but I remain nonchalant, I grab my pouch and head back inside. 

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"Leandoerrrr! Please tell me we're going out tonight" Jonte chuckles and shakes his head, "You wanna go out? For real." "For real. I'm gonna go get ready and we're leaving when I'm done." 

I shimmy into a Dior dress, it's arguably Benjamin's favourite piece that he bought for me and  it's easy to see why. It's a backless bodycon, with a slit up to the waist and a suspended neckline. Honestly I had no idea Dior had made such ... revealing dresses but right now I'm grateful that they did. 

I step back into the living room, Benjamin's gaze snaps onto me immediately, his eyes raking over my form before quickly looking away. I smirk, walking past him to the kitchen to make myself a drink. Jonatan lights up when he sees me "Woww look at you!! You look very beautiful." He says, his tone warm and sincere. I smile, "Thank you, you look very dapper as well." I mix myself a rather strong vodka cranberry, "What are you doing tonight Jonte?"

"Going out..? Oh! Well..." He leaves the room, coming back with a bottle, "Xans" He grins. "Could I please-" He cuts me off before I can finish. "Yeah, yeah, I knew you'd ask. Why do you think I went and got them?"

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Despite my usual distain for nightclubs, I'm enjoying myself. The alcohol and xanax has put me into a sort of warm, dizzy, euphoria. I find myself dancing with someone, a man named Gus. Gus is tall and blonde and wearing a fuzzy cardigan over a tight black singlet. He helps me outside and sits me down on the curb and we chat over a cigarette. I wake up the next morning in his bed.