Titania's Trauma

Chapter 4

Gray arrived home late that night. Juvia had been badgering him to spend more time with her as she wouldn't be able to see him for a while when he went on the mission the next morning.

He had been worried about Erza, although he didin't know why. Maybe he still wasn't quite over the jealousy with Jellal, but he felt something was wrong. He had felt no tinge of jealousy whatsoever when he first saw the blue-haired, scar-face hugging Erza. Nor when his girlfriend had been escorted out of the guild by the guy. But it was when Erza came back, alone, that he suddenly started feeling this uneasy feeling.

She hadn't even looked over at him as she came back and had been unnaturally quiet, shaking off Mira's inquiries and not even touching her strawberry cheesecake. It was most unnatural of her.

He turned his key through the lock and went inside. The hall was lit, the delicious smell of roasted chicken wafting from the kitchen. He proceeded on to taking off his coat, only to find his hands gropping onto his bare torso. He had stripped off again.

Cursing under his breath, he made his way to the kitchen where the Titania stood over the stove, a spatula in hand. He put his hands around her waist, smelling her strawberry scent and making her jump in surprise.

"Gray? Oh, you're back."

"Yeah. Juvia dragged me for too long," said Gray, exaseparatedly. He turned Erza around to face him, planting a kiss on her lips.

She didin't quite return it and was shaking a little. Something was definitely wrong with her. What had that bastard, Jellal, done?

"Erza? What's wrong?" inquired Gray, narrowing his eyes.

"Nothing," replied Erza, a little too quickly. "Why do you ask?"

"Just that you're shaking a lot. And you seemed kinda bumped after returning from your walk with Jellal."

It was the best thing about him and one of the reasons, Erza remembered, why she loved this man so much. He could read her face as if she was a piece of paper, with her thoughts scribbled all over it. She knew there was no point in hiding it and decided that now was a better time than any other.

"Something...happened," she said, taking a seat.

"With Jellal? You know you can tell me anything. I love you," reassured Gray. He knelt down in front of her chair, taking her hands in his and slowly stroked her fingers with his thumb.

This gave Erza courage than anything else and she told him what Jellal had said to her. Gray had been quiet while she spoke, his face expressionless. She wondered if he had already guessed it all. After all, he was right when he had said so many months ago that Jellal was in love with her. She had been stupid and laughed at him then. How wrong she was.

"So? What are you gonna do?" asked Gray, finally.

"What am I gonna do? I have to reject him, of course. I love you. Not him. He betrayed my trust and I hate him for that. I am going to rip his head off if he shows up his face again," screamed the Titania. Her rage was finally pouring out.

Gray, used to Erza's outbursts in the last two years, calmly stood up. He caressed her face in his palms and said, "Erza, I know you're angry and you're not thinking straight, but you have to calm down. He did not betray you. Did you ever tell him that you thought of him as a brother? Did you ever tell him that you liked me? How was he supposed to know that if you didn't tell him? So he didn't betray you. He loves you, Erza. Yes, not in the same way, but you love him too. So, calm down and think about it. Okay?"

Erza nodded. It surprised her how calm and mature Gray was about this. Maybe he had always been expecting this to happen someday, she thought. She wanted him to be angry and to shout at her for being so stupid. She wanted him to say "I told you so," and be furious for keeping their relationship a secret. But he was just eerily calm.

"Aren't you angry about this?" demanded the Titania.

"Why would I be?"

"Why? WHY NOT?" she cried out.

"Because there is nothing to be angry about," said Gray, adding a slight edge to his usual calm and cool voice. "Yes, it would be better if this didn't happen. Yes, I don't want people to fantasize about my girlfriend. Yes, I don't want other girls clinging onto me. Yes, I want the whole world to see how much I love you. But what about it? Its not going to happen. Because you don't want these things. Or I assume you don't."

Erza didn't remember ever feeling this much guilt. She knew how much Gray wanted this, but she had her reasons and he knew that. Yet, she couldn't help but think how hard it must be for him.

She didn't want to reveal this side of her to anyone because she was scared people won't take her seriously. The way she was now, or how people saw her now, gave her an authority. People feared the Almighty Titania. She didn't think they would listen to her as much if they found out that she was head over heels in love with Gray.

She had had a rough childhood, being oppressed and ruled by the masters of the tower of heaven. She had become like this, shielding her heart, so that she didn't have to feel that way anymore.

Gray was the only one who saw her heart beyond the armor. He used to fear her too at the beginning, but soon he learned that Erza was more fragile than strong. All that courage was a facade to hide the fear within. He had seen her fears and helped her deal with them, but he knew she couldn't let anyone else see that fear. Because Fairy Tail needed the Titania, fearless and unfaltering. She was the only one who could discipline them and give them courage, although she had so little herself.

"Gray, you know that's not true," whispered Erza, her voice shaking.

"Isn't it?" asked Gray. "I get it why you want to keep this a secret, but for how long Erza? We can't keep hiding forever. Today its Jellal, tomorrow someone else might come along. What then? I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Gray's voice was steadily rising as he went on, "I want to marry you someday, for God's sake. I want a family with you. But I keep feeling like you don't the same things. All you want is to keep this a secret and look where its gotten us."

Tears streamed down Erza's eyes as Gray glared at her. Gray hardly ever raised his voice at her. The last time this happened was when Gray had thought Jellal was making a pass at her and they had gotten into their most furious fight. This time too, the reason was Jellal. If she had only listened to Gray then and distanced herself from Jellal, none of this would be happening.

"I want those things too, Gray," she said, choking between tears. "I do."

"DO YOU?" screamed Gray. The last two words had been the loudest and Erza saw in his face that he regretted it immediately.

He bowed his head, holding it between his palms. He stayed like that for a minute, taking deep breaths and when he looked up again, his eyes were much gentler.

Gray opened his mouth to say something, maybe sorry, but seemed to decide against it. He pursed his lips, looking aggitated. He turned around, before he could start screaming again and went upstairs. Erza heard him slam the door to their bedroom and then, deadly quite.

Erza realized that Gray hadn't apologized for raising his voice at her. He was always the first one to say sorry, no matter whose fault and this only made her feel worse. It sunk on her how badly she had screwed up.

She decided she needed to tell Gray how much she regretted not listening to him and maybe squeeze in an apology while at it. So she bounded up the stairs and entered their room.

Gray was lying on the bed, his head resting in his hands. She could've sworn his eyes were open a second ago, staring at the ceiling, but he had shut them the moment she entered and was pretending to be asleep.

"Gray? Are you awake?" asked Erza, tentatively.

No answer. He kept his eyes shut and didn't move, only his chest rising and falling as he breathed.

Erza took the message. He didn't want to talk anymore. There was only one thing left to do for Erza. She only needed to find the courage to do it.

-X-

A/N-
And that's chapter 4...hope you all like it.

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