Brothers

Chapter 11 - A Blessing?

It was very late at night. I had been in the bed with my face in the covers for hours. I still couldn't sleep but I was angry and didn't want to go into the living room. I stood and paced the room. My mind was racing with anger and replays from what had all happened today. I was mad at myself for making the situation worse and mad at Ryan for not caring and mad at Kate for just showing up, and I told myself I was mad at my dad. My own father who had died, I was mad at.

I was also hungry since I hadn't eaten since breakfast. My mouth was watering like crazy and my eyes were super dry from being tired, but I couldn't do anything about any of that. Eventually, I gave up and left the room.

I stood on the start of the carpet, watching Ryan sleep. I sat down, still watching him. I wanted to go over there but I thought I shouldn't. I was a pest. I always made a big deal out of everything and forced everyone to help me with it.

Ryan stirred and then his eyes opened. "Hey." He whispered. I didn't say anything back. "Get over here." He smiled. I stood from my spot on the carpet and crawled into his arms once more.

"Can't sleep?" He asked me.

"No." I closed my eyes and felt his chest move as he breathed.

"Do you want to talk?" He interrupted the silence.

"About what?"

"You."

I took a deep breath. I wasn't sure what to talk about.

"Why have you been so angry?" He asked to start the conversation.

"I don't know. Just, everything around me is horrid." Ryan stayed silent which told me to keep going. "Like Kate. No offense, but I just wanted to be alone and then she had to come along." I noticed I was getting louder and louder so I quieted. "And that stupid board. Everything reminds me of home and home makes me sad."

"I know how you feel." He did? He sure never showed it. I slowed my breathing and dozed off into a light sleep.

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I woke again with the feeling of never wanting to get up. Ryan must have gotten up more stealthily this morning because he wasn't on the couch. I sat up and looked around, him being no where in sight. Suddenly the bathroom door burst open and he ran out in formal clothing, like yesterdays.

"Shoot!" He hissed. "I woke up late." I watched him hurry around the house and then leave with barely a wave. I was starving and I had no idea what to make. I'd forgotten about getting a job whatsoever so I stayed in the apartment. I ended up microwaving a Hotpocket and ate it on the porch. It was 9 o'clock and there were very few people outside, but lots of cars.

I was leaning against the railing, looking down at the tree that stretched it's branches out just far enough to touch the bottom of our porch.

"What if I just jumped from here..."

What? I had thought that thought in my own head. I backed up from the edge with fear. That thought had randomly appeared in my head, but I had physically thought it. I closed the glass door and sat against the small area of wall next to the front door. Being alone obviously wasn't a good thing for me, as I was figuring out. I didn't know what Ryan had planned today but I knew he just left so he wouldn't be home for too long.

I didn't want to be alone anymore so I left the apartment and sat in the lobby / dining hall. There was a small red couch that looked like velvet but felt like animal skin that I sat on. It was near the front doors. Many people passed through and there were always people standing at the help desks so I figured this spot was good.

I didn't think that being around people would result in me actually having to talk to them.

"Hey." Someone said, snapping me out of la-la-land. I looked up to see a girl who looked the same age as me, or around there.

"Oh, hi." I didn't want to talk but I didn't want to be rude.

"You looked kind of lonely so I figured I would say hi."

"Oh, well, thanks." I said, hoping to get her to leave.

"Do you want to go sit on the fence with me?" She pointed to some fences just outside the front doors.

"Um," I looked at her hair which was a dark colour of red. Her eyes were dark brown and had lots of colour to almost look red too. "I guess, sure." We wandered to the fence and sat up on top of it.

"You looked lost." She told me.

"What?"

"That's why I talked to you, you seemed a little lost." She was giving me a sympathy smile.

"I'm not." I felt awkward around people I didn't know.

"Why were you sitting there?"

"I was waiting for my brother."

"When is he getting back?" I didn't want to answer her questions but I kept talking so not to be rude.

"I have no idea."

"Oh, so you were just going to wait there forever?" She seemed to be joking as she had a smile on her face and was watching me.

"Well, I just didn't want to be alone in the apartment." I had been looking at her but I looked away then.

"Alone? Do your parents both work?" I took a breath and continued to avoid her eyes. I wasn't sure how to word the sentence, "Their both dead." aloud so I stayed silent. "Oh, I'm sorry, did I say something?"

I shook my head. "No, it's just I don't have parents. My brother has custody over me." I didn't hold back from telling this complete stranger my whole life story.

"Oh." She had a sorry tone. I took a deep breath and hoped I didn't look like I was about to cry, because I wasn't. "Hey new topic, I'll talk about me!" She said. She had managed to get me to look back into her dark eyes. "So my name is Ruby and I'm 15 and I live here, obviously." She spoke in a tone that said she knew she was rambling just to keep conversation. "And I-"

Someone drove up in a small black car and began to call Ruby's name. "Hey that's my ride." She said, hopping down off the fence. "How about we meet up later here? Maybe 6?" I nodded, because what else would I say? 'Nah, I don't actually like you very much.'?

I stared at my scratched arm. She didn't know I'd done that. She also didn't know about the thought that filled my brain earlier that morning. She was someone I could start new with.