FACING THE SAME FACE | JINKOOK

CH17

The air was thick, as if the very atmosphere were trying to swallow the light that filtered through the cracks in the window. Jin sat at his desk, his head in his hands, overwhelmed by the intensity of the thoughts that suffocated him. Confusion had taken hold of his mind, and the weight of his own emotions dragged him into an endless whirlpool. Every time he tried to take a breath, his thoughts crashed against his chest like a furious wave.

"What's the point of loving if everything is shattered?" he muttered to himself, as though by saying it aloud, he might find some comfort. But the words were nothing more than an echo of the despair that engulfed him.

His gaze fell on the cluttered desk, where photographs from his time with JungHyun rested, along with other shared moments that seemed distant now, almost as though they belonged to another life, another Jin. The cold wind sneaking through the window caused one of the photos to slide gently across the table. It felt like a low blow, a reminder of everything he had lost. He picked it up slowly, almost fearfully, as if looking at it might awaken something within him that he wasn't sure he wanted to find.

There they were: JungHyun and him, smiling in a snapshot full of life. The memory of those days hit him with devastating force, a wave of nostalgia that overwhelmed him instantly. The sound of his brother's laughter, the way his eyes sparkled—those things faded into a thick fog as his thoughts turned to the truth he had been avoiding for so long: had he fallen in love with JungHyun, or with JungKook?

Jin closed his eyes, as if trying to block out the images, but they continued to invade him. He remembered the softness of the lips that kissed him that night. He remembered the warmth of the embrace, the tenderness in which his body had hidden... but who was that person, really? Was it JungHyun? Or had it been JungKook, disguised as his brother, with the same pain and confusion that now kept him trapped in his own mind?

"Did I really fall in love with him?" he asked quietly, staring at the photograph as though by holding it, he could find the answer. But there was no clear answer. Everything seemed blurred, clouded by the lies he had tried so hard to ignore. How could he love someone who had been part of such a deep lie? How could he trust his own feelings when he wasn't even sure who he had truly loved?

The dilemma suffocated him, growing more intense, more powerful. He sat in the chair, his head in his hands, and let the anguish engulf him. Each thought carried him further from the answer. Every attempt to rationalise the situation only deepened the chaos within him.

"I..." Jin breathed deeply, but the emptiness didn't go away. "What have I done with my life? What have I done with my feelings? Can I really move on after all this?" A bitter laugh escaped his lips, but it sounded hollow, broken. There was nothing funny about his situation. In his mind, the images blurred, the voices of JungHyun and JungKook merged into one, and the pain of both seemed to tear him apart equally.

There was no denying what had happened: he was trapped in a vicious circle. He had loved someone, but he didn't know if it was JungKook's brother, or if the person who had touched his heart was the very JungKook who now watched him from a distance, unsure of how to come closer. The feeling of betrayal hit him in the stomach.

"I fell in love with a man who wasn't who I thought he was," he said aloud, almost waiting for a response from the shadows. But nothing came. Only silence, heavy and crushing.

He sighed and looked around, as if merely changing direction could alter the course of his thoughts. But it didn't. The confusion was still there, immense and paralysing.

The phone on his desk vibrated, breaking the stillness. Jin lifted his gaze, in no hurry to look at the screen. He knew who it was, and yet he couldn't stop the hope that, for no apparent reason, blossomed in his chest. There was something about that name that always called him, drew him in, enveloped him, even though he knew he shouldn't.