FACING THE SAME FACE | JINKOOK

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The candle suddenly went out leaving them in pitch darkness. JungHyun lit it again while JungKook secured the kitchen window so that another strong draft wouldn't come in again. They were both wrapped in a dressing gown and still felt cold, if it weren't for the hot drinks they wouldn't have endured another hour in the kitchen that night.

"We saw each other often, he kissed me and I was completely his. When I found out that he barely took a third of the pay for each man he slept with I was very indignant, but there was no point in making a fuss, you can't negotiate with a pimp and Jin had to leave part of his earnings with the bar owner. There was nowhere else he could serve those men unless he wanted to wander the streets, but it was winter and he wasn't that desperate yet. So I stopped paying for him".

"That's good," murmured JungKook in relief.

"Not to keep me away," he smiled, "but to keep that money in a bank account to which I added him as a beneficiary. I figured my aim was not to watch his steps but to help him pay off the debt in a hurry. I began to live a frugal life in my intention to save every penny. I also put in a lot of overtime at my job and gave private lessons on weekends."

"You became his employee," said JungKook not understanding the level of stupidity his brother could become.

"But never once did he take any of that money. Every two weeks he would meet with his collector and hand him an envelope with all his savings. I insisted that he add my money in it, and he flatly refused every time. So no, JungKook, I never believed that he wanted to take advantage of me.

"He really loved you," JungKook said though he said it more to himself.

"¿Are you surprised?"

"You're the easiest person I know to love, but until now I've doubted the intentions of that crush of yours."

"I must be direct with you" he held the cup of tea in his hands, trying to let its temperature warm his fingers "I don't know if Jin ever loved me, though at the time I wanted to believe he did."

"¿What went wrong?"

"Everything was wrong all along, but once I stopped going to the bar, also convinced by SeungChol and Jin himself insisting all the time that I should stop visiting that place because it was risky for me... things got worse."

"¿How can something that's already so fucked up get any worse?"

"Jin who had always seemed so sweet and vulnerable to me. Became someone else. He started to find himself in a bad mood, asking me to stop waiting for him in the mornings. Even though he didn't touch the money in the account I opened, he was constantly checking it because he would complain to me every time the amount increased... he was irritable about everything, even with SeungChol".

"And that hurt you".

"One Saturday morning I discovered that he couldn't walk properly, so I insisted until he agreed to come with me to my flat to rest. I tried to hug him and he responded in complete annoyance, demanding that I leave him alone and when he saw my face I think he understood that I had been too hard because he immediately shut up, then burst into tears. He was getting more and more broken, both physically and emotionally, I think some nights for him were so hellish that in the morning it was easier for him to hate everything and everyone.

"Stop it, JungHyun, don't tell me any more. Let's go to bed and forget about that man forever."

"¿What are you saying? Since my arrival, you've done nothing but ask me to spill the whole story"

"Well, I don't want to anymore" stood up JungKook.

"You're crazy."

"It's just that every time you tell me something worse, and I get a funny feeling in my chest. Part of me doesn't want to hear any more. The important thing is that you're back and you're fine, the nightmares will go away sooner or later."

"No, no, listen to me, if I don't tell you until the end you'll never have peace and then you'll come back to me about it. But relax, there's almost nothing left" JungHyun pointed to the empty chair in front of him and his brother sat back down, this time paying no attention to the cup of coffee, he folded his arms ready for anything tragic.

"I left my flat with the intention of moving in with him, that way he would save half the rent and I would save a lot more money that would go into our bank account. I thought it would be a nice surprise for Jin because we were acting like a couple anyway. I know, a strange couple, we didn't even have sex, but he knew that I loved him and he said he loved me too, so I didn't think that. Anyway, when he saw me at his door he shouted that he was fed up with me, that he'd rather I left for good, that he'd already paid all his debt. He finally took all the money out of the bank account".

"!¿You had a million dollars in that account?!" was surprised JungKook. JungHyun guffawed cheekily.

"¡Not even half of it! I didn't make that much."

"I thought he didn't either. Chinese food and sex don't pay that well in China, by your telling."

"They don't. I guess he had some of his father's money or old savings, I don't know, Jin seemed very determined to get me out of his sight and didn't take the time to explain anything to me. All I know is that the person who treated me that way that morning was not the one I loved. I got depressed and the university cycle was over, so I decided it was best not to renew the contract, after all I had already resigned from my department. To pay for my return ticket I sold what I had left, took a few private lessons and here I am".

"¿So that's how it was? After all you did for him he kicked your ass back."

"And I learned that my twin brother was right every time he warned me not to love without knowing the person for sure."

"But your nightmares"

"Is that I keep wondering if Jin lied to keep me out of his problems. Sometimes I dream that I check my bank account and I find all the money there, that Jin is dead" JungHyun rested his forehead on his fisted hands and burst into tears, this time without pretending to stop.

"I don't know exactly what he said to you, but he was cruel ¿wasn't he?"

JungHyun nodded, unable to utter another word.

JungKook looked down at his cup with leftover coffee already cold, JungHyun didn't finish his tea either. Outside, the first rays of the sun were peeking through and not a single drop of rain was falling. It seemed like the right time to leave everything behind and make a fresh start, so when JungHyun had calmed down, JungKook took a shower and left the house determined to find a new job.

He met up with a couple of friends during the day, had lunch with them at a place that specialised in local dishes, and on his way home, when he passed a toy store he succumbed to the temptation to go in and buy a teddy bear, they were his brother's favourite, he had never liked such things, but his intention was to cheer him up; after all, with the terrible absence of their parents they only had each other.

Not a drop of rain fell, so he decided to make the journey on foot, glad that the weather was taking a better turn, it was like a good omen. He thought he saw his brother at the end of the pavement, JungHyun smiled broadly at him before turning down an alley, however, when he tried to catch up, he was no longer there. JungKook arrived home an hour later than he thought he would, he hoped his brother would be awake and perhaps, preparing some food. He wasn't.

He opened the door to his room to give him the furry gift, but the bear fell at his feet when the image of his dead brother startled him.

He entered with clumsy steps and saw part of his twin's brains on the bed as his body lay sprawled face up and arms outstretched. On the blood-spattered bedside table awaited a letter written in shaky handwriting and on the floor, a gun.

He cursed the time his brother crossed paths with SeokJin, cursed SeokJin, that boy was the thing he hated most in life.