The Year of Maybe

Chapter Twelve

Two months after waking up in a room enclosed with four cement walls, a concrete floor and a boarded ceiling with only one light bulb I have been going through the motions of eating once or twice every other day, puking up the food soon after and having maybe one shower every two weeks under the supervision of Eli himself. Any time I would try to open the huge metal door leading to who-knows-where I wouldn't get food for several days. He has also installed a surveillance camera in the corner to watch me at all times. I'm expecting the baby any time now but instead of gaining weight, my ribs are now poking at my skin.

I wake up with a start as the door opens and Eli steps in and closes it. I back up into one of the corners and bury my face in my knees. "Shy today, are we?" Eli reaches out his hands and I hesitate a second before grabbing them. He helps me to my feet and pulls me against his chest. I stand limp against his shirt while he buries his face in my neck and takes a deep breath. "I love you Quinn. Haven't I been good to you? I take care of you, don't I? And now with my new job I can take care of you and the baby." Although I don't agree, I keep my mouth shut because the last time I stood up for myself I ended up without food or water for three days.

Eli kisses my neck which sends a chill down my spine. My neck feels sore before I realize he is attempting to leave a hickey. I quickly push him away and wipe away the spit he left behind. "Oh come on Quinn! Are you seriously going to pull this on me right now?" I don't respond. "Quinn? Hello? Are you there? Don't play games with me. You should be thankful that I took you away from that slob!" He strikes me in the face with the back of his hand which sends me to the floor. I touch my cheek and avoid any possible eye contact. He storms out and slams the door behind him.

About an hour or two after he leaves I feel an extreme pain in my lower stomach. I let out a groan as the pain worsens and worsens. A watery substance surrounds me on the floor and my heart drops. "Eli.." I look into the camera across the room. "Please h-help. I t-think the baby is coming.." Before I realize fully what is going on I start having cramps or contractions or something. "Eli, please help me! I'm not even seventeen yet and I'm having a child! Help me!" Ricky... Where are you... The cramps get worse and worse and eventually they start happening sooner and sooner. I tear off my flannel and lay it on the floor underneath me leaving me in only underwear and a bra. I take off my underwear too and lean my back against the wall. Here we go...

An hour and a half after a lot of crying, sweating and pain I can feel the head of the baby. My contractions start occurring closer to each other. This is where you start pushing, right? I clench my teeth together and close my eyes. My breath becomes short as my body feels like it's being torn open. "Eli! GET DOWN HERE AND HELP ME!" Everything from my waist down to my toes is on fire.

I ball up my fists and take a deep breath before pushing again. "Someone.. please help me! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M D-DOING!" After another push I hear a soft cry. I push hard again and my voice becomes hoarse from all the yelling. I'm probably just scaring the baby more. I don't even know where I am, the only time I am allowed to leave for showers Eli blindfolds me and we take a car ride to somewhere with a shower. If my daughter ever asks me where she was born, I won't have any idea.

Two more big pushes give me more relief than I have ever felt in my whole life. The baby is safely out and on my flannel shirt crying with what seems like no end. I start crying; not out of pain, of happiness. Any grief that I have experienced washes away when I see her face for the first time. Sure, she's covered in blood and looks like a little alien for now but I made that. I have carried her in my body for the past nine months. I get off of the shirt and use it to wipe off a lot of the blood off of me and Spencer. I never understood the awkwardness of an umbilical cord and why they had to be attached to the belly button but none of that matters now. The little blond hairs stay matted to her head and her bright blue eyes stare up at me as she begins to quiet down. What now? Am I supposed to cut her cord? Or nurse her?