The Year of Maybe

Chapter Fourteen

A white handmade crib decorates the space directly to my left and a pink and blue babe mobile hangs over it. An awkward yellow rug splays itself across the floor accompanied by some other stuffed animals and blocks. I am going to cry. A little blue nightlight shaped like a moon is the only thing illuminating the room. I feel the warmth of his chest on my back as Ricky places his hands on my hips and his head on my shoulder. "Do you like it?" I walk over to the crib and gently place Spencer on the greenish sheets and run back to Ricky. 

I do the unimaginable, but at this point frankly I don't care. I kiss Ricky and bury my face in his chest, nodding my head. "I love it." Goosebumps raise on my arms as a warm feeling swims through my blood. He gently closes the door to the nursery and carries me to the bed nearly tripping as he tries to set me down. He lays down next to me and plays with my hair. I'm crying. 

He says sympathetically with a hint of a laugh, "What's wrong?" 

"That's it..." My voice is small and relieved. "Nothing's wrong. Everything is perfect." 

"Then why are you crying?" He puts his hand under my chin and gently faces me towards him. 

It feels trapped inside of me, but I can manage to say it quietly, "I was scared... I didn't know if he did anything to you. What's going to happen when he comes back to the motel and I'm not there? He'll know it's you..."

"Shh... We are far enough away from him that it doesn't matter if he knows it was me. You're not property. He can't just keep you locked up whenever he pleases. With what he did to you... If he did that to Spencer..." He sighs. "Anyways, you don't need to worry about him because you're with me now and I'm not losing sight of you ever again." He wipes the tears off my cheeks with his sleeve. "Can I be honest for a second? Like this-is-sort-of-a-big-deal honest?" I nod and let out a shaky breath. "I was scared to death when I lost you. My whole body ached for days knowing that you were gone and what hurt even more was knowing that you might not ever come back. I thought this could be our little safe place, for now at least and Quinn..." There's a moment of silence as he looks everywhere but at me. That moment turns into an eternity. His eyes eventually meet mine as he whispers, "Quinn, I am madly in love with you." Heat rushes through my cheeks and my stomach feels sort of fluttery like I'm going to throw up but I'm not. I sit up and Ricky does the same. Worry fills his eyes as I realize I should probably respond before he leaves or something.

"Me too- I mean- I'm madly in love with you too. Not myself... I just- I-. I'm going to-" Ricky leans forward and kisses me, holding my waist.

++++

Ricky decides to get pizza for a late/slash lunch except that we aren't going to leave the house so some delivery man is coming to get it to us. Once the pizza arrives I down three pieces and make some baby formula for Spencer. "I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know how to take care of a baby or change diapers or any of that stuff... How do you make baby formula?" My head buzzes with anxiety.

"Here, let me do it. You go rest. I did some research while you were away so I would know how to do the basics. Oh and the bathroom is right next to the laundry room. I'm working on getting a shower head in there but for now there's a tub and some soap under the sink. So if you want to take a bath and then take a nap or something, go ahead. On top of the dryer there are some sweatpants and a few shirts if you want me to wash-"

"Thank you." I hug him and head towards the laundry room, grab an outfit, and start a bath. The hot water feels amazing. I try to scrub away the marks on my shoulder knowing that it's not going to help anything. I find a razor under the sink and use some shampoo as shaving cream to shave my legs. I don't remember the last time I was able to shave. I know it had been awhile though. And especially when you're pregnant, you are definitely not as flexible and you could care less what your legs look like. I drain the tub and find a rubber band in one of the drawers  by the sink. I knot my hair into a low bun and put on the boxers Ricky left out for me but I leave the sweatpants on the counter because I feel like showing off my legs. I pull a Guns n' Roses t-shirt over my head and sprawl out on the couch in Ricky's sort-of-but-not-really living room. Ricky looks at me from the kitchen and smirks. "What?"