Summer nights Phan AU

Chapter 1

Dan's Pov
I lay awake most nights thinking about how awesome it would be to go outside, just to be able to smell all the different kinds of scents in the air, or see the sun reflecting in on the ocean as it shines on a summers day or to feel the snow gently falling on to my skin on the cold winter nights. But sadly i can't bring myself to do it because my anxiety takes over me. I only have to walk out the door of my apartment and my thoughts start to buzz all around my head, taking control.
Like what if i accidentally walk in to someone?? , or knock something over in the grocery store?? And then what if they start pointing and laughing at me.
I wouldn't be able to cope with it all.

While this happens i start shaking and feel like i'm going to pass out. This is one of the many reasons why i avoid going out, due to the fact i know that this will happen. The only time i go outside is when i have to do the grocery shopping. This is a horrible experience for me as i have to face new surroundings with so many people; who i think are judging me with every move i make. But i try my ultimate best to ignore it as i know i need to go to the store to get basic essentials like foods and drink to survive. I try to  make this journey as quick as possible so i can go back to my apartment and surf the wonders of the internet and check my social medias, while zoning out and kind of forgetting the world around me.   Most the times i could even say i feel the internet is the only thing that keeps me sane.

You would think after all these years of suffering with my anxiety i would be able to control it, but no. It only seems to get worse as the days go by. I guess this is partly my fault as i have never told anyone, not even my parents. I always keep everything bottled up inside of me, petrified of what that person/ people may think of me and how they would react. It's a wonder i don't explode with all the things i think about to be honest.
Maybe some time in the future, i will be able to find someone who i can trust enough to be able tell them all my secrets and not worry about how they are going to react or whether they are going to think any less of me.
But until that time comes i guess i'll just keep everything bottled up inside of me like i have done most of my life.

......
I was just in my own world, thinking about so many random things to do with the universe and how oblivion is inevitable, when out of the blue i hear the ping of my cell telling me i have a message from my Kik ; which is unusual to be honest because nobody ever talks to me on there. Anyway i open up the app and see a message from a guy called Phil...
it reads..
Phil: Hi, i'm Phil"
I stare at this message for a while wondering how he got my Kik and why he would even want to talk to me because well, i'm really not all that interesting; as i just spend my time in my apartment on my computer and designing video game covers to earn money to pay my rent.
After minutes of thinking about why this Phil guy would even want to speak to me, i finally reply...

Dan: "Hi Phil, i'm Dan as you can probably tell anyways but hey. Okay so, how are you?? Oh and btw, i was just wondering how did you get my kik??"

After looking at the message i had typed for probably another few minutes; feeling nervous as i don't socialize much due to the fear of being judged, i finally pressed send before i changed my mind on what to put. As soon as the message had delivered, it quickly changed to being read.
Then a few short moments after that my cell pinged again.
I opened the message up...

Phil: "I'm amazing thank you, hows about you?? Oh, er.. i got your kik from your twitter bio. I thought you sounded pretty cool and i liked your tweets so i thought 'why not message you  and see if i can get to know you more' So yeah that's what i did" :)

I guess i kinda replied a little bit quicker this time and not staring at the message for so long.
However i wasn't sure how to reply to the first part of the message. I thought should i reply with what Phil had put which was "i'm good" or to put what i actually felt like which was "I'm actually feeling pretty trashy to be quite honest :("
I thought this through for about a minute before finally coming to a decision. My decision was to be honest and to actually tell a person how i was feeling for once in my life. I don't really know what made me come to making this decision as i never talk about my feelings to anyone yet alone a stranger.

I guess there was just  something different about Phil though,even when he had only sent me two messages.  I actually thought he sounds really nice and actually cares about me and how i think about life.  He also seems a bit sassy at times so that's cool. So yeah, i replied honestly.

Dan: "Yay, that's awesome and as for me i'm actually feeling pretty trashy to be quite honest. :( I wasn't going to tell you this as i don't usually tell anyone how i really feel but with you i felt differently. Oh okay, i actually forgot i even had my kik in my twitter bio even tho i go on that site everyday for countless numbers of hours. Aww thank you for saying that btw but seriously i'm really not at all interesting."

This time it took him longer to reply. I guess he was wondering whether he should ask what was wrong or whether to just leave it.
However soon enough a reply came through.

Phil: "Oh, i'm sorry to hear that Dan. If you want to tell me what's wrong i am here to vent to but if you don't feel comfortable enough to tell me then that's totally fine. Okay?? I may not know you very well but to me you do sound interesting so please don't doubt yourself. :) x

I read this message over in my head for about five times. I guess i was right about him actually caring for my feelings because how he said that i could tell him what was wrong if i wanted to or how i didn't need to tell him at all. He really does genuinely care about me doesn't he?? 

Dan: Aww Phil, thank you so much it means a lot to me knowing that. You seem like a really amazing person. And as for telling you what's wrong, is it okay if i tell you tomorrow as it's an ongoing thing and i guarantee i will feel the exact same way?? That's if you even want to still speak to me of course :)
Before i even got a chance to think about how stupid this reply seemed my cell pinged again.

Phil: You're very much welcome Dan. Yes of course i still want to speak to you later. Stay strong okay, whatever this problem is you will get through it soon i'm sure. Anyway i'm of to dreamland now as it's 5:37am so goodnight, sweet dreams and i will speak to you later. ;) xx

Awww i read this message so many times i lost count. Gosh, phil is pretty darn cute. Omg he put two 'xx' , is he being friendly or does he..... No stop that thought. He wouldn't like me right?? Even though he says i'm interesting and all, i bet he really thinks  "gosh he such a bore and pessimist".  Would he even think that?? He seems to kind to even think about saying that. Yeah let's go with the fact he thinks i'm interesting.
This is such a weird sensation i am feeling right now, as i feel like i can trust him with almost anything even though i haven't told him about my anxiety yet so i don't how he will react. But i have every insight that it will be an optimistic one. Dang what has gotten in to me. Why am i feeling optimistic about this?? I hardly know him. I shouldn't be able to trust him with my feelings yet and like i said i don't even speak to my parents about how i feel. Does Phil really have that much of a positive vibe on me already?? Gosh, this is insane. I'm really not used to this.

I reply back to his message as quickly as i can because he did say he was going to sleep and that was like ten minutes ago. I wonder if he has already gone to sleep or whether he is waiting for my reply. Idek.

Dan: Okay Phil. Thank you yet again. Goodnight sweet dreams, speak to you later xx

So i press send for the last time tonight or really i should say morning as it's 6:09am right now before i snuggled up in my blankets and drifted of to sleep.

hajahjjjsj this is the end of my first chapter of my v first story/fanfic/phanfic on Wattpad. This sounds cheesy af. Oops!! Oh well!!
Anyway i am excited to see how y'all will react to this. And i was actually really nervous to put my phanfic out to world but i have done it , or at least i'm going to right now. :) I'm sorry if i waffled on a bit. Idk, i'm not really that confident on writing fanfics yet but i'm having a go and the more i explore the better i'll get at writing them. :). I love you guys <3333 i'm not sure when the next chapter will be published but it may be sometime during this week.
I hope y'all having/have an phantastic day!!!

If you want to you can follow my twitter @ ItsKaylajadee for updates on when i next post a chapter. (I may do this i'm entirely sure yet)
Anyway goodbye for now!! :)