even if he falls :: lashton

three

three

luke didn't need to call ashton at all until at least a month into the school year. 

it was exactly 4:07 in the morning. he was curled up into a fetal position on top of his duvet, holding his knees to his stomach tightly. that was one thing about luke that he could always use to his advantage, despite his long limbs. 

he'd just woken up from a bad dream. the type that jolts you awake and you end up sitting there for a few minutes, reflecting on what's real and what's not. then a cold sweat forms on your forehead and you kick off the blankets, the bad parts playing over and over in your mind. luke was currently in that stage, feeling his heart rate pick up speed and his mind was racing. he was scared. 

he didn't remember what the dream was about, even. all he knew was that he was scared. 

the poor little fourteen year old stumbled out of bed, grabbing the smaller blanket on his bed and wrapping it around his shoulders, slipping over his own feet a few times before making his way down the stairs to his mom and dad's room. he felt tears well up in his eyes as he crept through the darkness, feeling dysphoria seep through his veins as he peered into the looming black hole that was actually his living room. 

luke tip-toed into his parents' room and slowly made his way towards his mom's side, knowing she'd be more gentle and compassionate towards him. "mom?" he whispered, cuddling further into his blanket. raising his voice, he mumbles, "mommy." 

her eyes flutter, but they remain closed. "what, luke?" she barely says. 

"i had a bad dream and - and - i'm scared," he whines out, trying not to be loud. his fingers were trembling as his toes wiggled against the carpet. when she doesn't say anything for a few moments, luke proceeds. "can i sleep with you guys tonight?" luke's mom sighs and shoos him away. 

"go to sleep, luke." 

he pouts, standing still for a brief second before running out of their room, bolting up the stairs as fast as he possibly could, and then making it to his room safely. he jumped onto his bed, waiting for the panic to settle. luke hugged his knees, rocking back and forth slightly. now that his mom left him to his own demons, he had no choice but to sit there. but he couldn't. he was terrified of being alone at times where he was feeling his walls crumble down and his foundation break down from under his feet. 

so he called calum. it rang and rang and rang and luke felt the buzzing ring on the other end of the phone start echoing in his brain until he couldn't take it anymore -- "hey, this is calum. i'm not here to answer the phone right now, so leave a message and i'll get back to ya' -" luke hung up. now what? his parents and his only friend were unresponsive while luke felt like he was going to explode from outside in. he was digging his fingernails into his palms to make tiny half crescent moons on his skin. he sat in the dark of his room, not daring to turn on the light in case of the monsters being there when the room was illuminated. there was one person who claimed they'd always be there for him, but luke wasn't too sure. 

after all, it'd been a good month since luke had spoken a single word to ashton at the restaurant. it wasn't even like he saw him in the halls or something. they both just lost each other. 

but now here luke was, thinking of no one but the older boy, wondering if he'd pick up his phone and ease him through this moment where he was scared of death. his fingers shake as he hovers over ashton's contact. all the pros and cons screamed and battled each other inside his mind and eventually the fear won as he clicked call. 

it was ringing. 

luke finds himself hating the sound his phone makes when he calls someone, feeling the need to chuck his phone across the room in order to make it stop. he rubbed his bare thighs nervously, fixing the folded seam of his grey boxers. it was a hot night and he was in nothing but the cottony under garment.