Ache for you (Zarry- AU)

Chapter 5

Dear Zayn,

You can’t be dead no, no you just can’t. There is so much we haven’t done together! We haven’t gone to Paris and had a romantic candle light dinner on the Eiffel tower. Or we never went sky diving together like we always wanted!

We haven’t had a child Zayn please this can’t be happening. My soulmate can’t just die because of a stupid man, please no. I don’t think I can take this is think I am going to be sick.

I can’t believe this. We had our life all planed out & everything was perfect! But then the stupid government had to call & Make you go to war against your own free will! I knew it was a bad idea from the start, but I let you go anyways. This is all my fault; its all my fault my husband is dead.

This whole thing is all my fault I should of never let you go because if I never than you would still be alive! & we would be here in our flat together cuddling and watching something pointless on the telly.

I just can’t process this I just can’t. I feel like I am slowly dying my heart is beating so fast too fast, I think I may have a heart attack.

I remember the day you left like it was yesterday.

I told you that I don’t want you to leave and you told be to be strong because you would be coming back, I cried a lot that day.  You told me to get strong until you came home but now you’re not coming home so how am I supposed to ‘stay strong’ when your gone? I am dying I- I  just don’t know what to do.

I don’t know how to stay strong when you’re not with me! I just want to die. When I first got your letter I couldn’t believe it, Louis was over at the time when I got it & I scared him because one moment I am all calm & the next I am hysterical he didn’t know what to do. I just started sobbing and screaming and I hit the wall a couple times, I also kept shouting why like I would get some answer.

I just feel like this is all my fault like I could of somehow prevented all of this.

I have no clue why I am writing this if you’ll never get it I suppose it is because it still feels like I am talking to you, like I wish I was doing right now but life is full of holes in the road.

I love you & I’ll love you until the day I die.

So much love,

Harry