In Volume 4 of the Indie Musician's Diary I write about how and why music creation had to take a one year breather as I started to write the book that explains my first album, (The Change My Mind book). My planned, second album, "Abide", was put on...
One of the most challenging things I've had to do this year is to sing at a funeral for a 12 year old that died of pneumonia. She had a gene deformation from birth that made her develop slowly and that made her especially susceptible to infections. All her life she was in and out of hospitals. She had the mentality of a three year old at her time of death, but the legacy she left was astounding. She was remembered by her community as one who brought joy to all who met her. Always dancing around in long dresses and always happy- she thought that the more glamour and glitter, the better. More is more, for some.
Her parents had asked me to come and sing three songs so I practiced them the weeks before, finding my key and writing out the lyrics. On the morning of the funeral I packed all my gear and drove 2 hours to make it to the sound check before the funeral began. I had to drive from home at 6:30 in the morning. I sang the whole way up in the car to warm up my voice.
As I entered the old church from the 1700's, I was met not only by friends but by two rows of the gorgeous dresses that this girl had worn. In the front of the church was the decorated casked with bright red colour and glitter. It was surrounded by heart balloons and the girl herself was lying with a reindeer skin blanket over her body.
When I got there, I was greeted by the girl's mom and dad, friends of mine. Because of their faith, they had chosen two modern songs about meeting loved ones in heaven (which I sang during the funeral) and, later on, one well known Swedish children's hymn (which I sang as the body was buried).
There is so much to say about the whole experience, but in respect of those who were there and the family I want to keep the short. But the main feeling was love, love. love - all around. Her parents did an amazing job with all the practical things that had to happen to make this moment so deeply comforting. They still mourn as do all of us who feel their loss.
When I am gone, I hope that people will remember me in a similar, cheerful way. I hope that they remember all of the joy my songs have brought to many, and all of the love that I've given to my children, husband, friends and to complete strangers. I hope they remember how I put them first before my own needs for the greater part of my life. I hope also that they are able to see Jesus in me and all that I've done during this life on the planet.
But I want to take a moment to say these tips, from a musician's/artist's perspective
When you get asked to sing at a funeral, wedding or other such event, assume that the church doesn't have the gear you need and make sure to take all the gear (instruments, loud speakers, cables, music stand, microphones etc.) you need with you. Let someone with a trained ear help you with the sound check long before the event starts.
Change the strings on your guitar at least a few days before and take some extra with you. Don't forget capo, guitar picks, etc
Over practice the songs so that you don't have to look at the chord sheets and so that you can look at the one in focus. Be well prepared. Drink water (no milk) and stay hydrated. Warm up your voice by humming as you drive to the location, blowing bubbles in water, whatever it is you do to warm up your voice. But do that kind of stuff in another building so you don't bother other people. I do my warms ups in my car.
Dress according to the dress code expected- i.e. the same style of clothing all the others were asked to wear in the invitation.
See if you can take some time before the event with the cantor and/or other musicians who will be participating, to take a cup of something warm to drink and get to know them. It adds to the feeling of being a team.
I didn't get paid for this event nor did I want to. It was a friend of mine's daughter who died so I did it for free. But if you are going to get paid, agree on how much before the event and sign a contract if need be. I haven't asked for money when I've sung at events. I see it as experience and that is worth something to me, too!
Speak less. Mean what you say and say what you mean in as few words as possible especially when interacting at the reception after a funeral. Be sensitive to how other people around you are experiencing their loss.
If people ask about your music it is always good to have a business card ready with a QR code that brings them to a linktree or direct.me link that takes them to your music, homepage, etc.Maybe they will ask you to sing at their event. In that case don't be shy. Ask for their number and call them afterwards. I have this one:
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Be sure to thank the musicians you've worked with and the people who invited you.
Make a checklist for your gear before you go. Use it to pack your things before the event and use it to check that you don't leave anything behind.
Journal. Like this book....write down your thoughts about your performance and what you want to do better next time - always learning from your experiences.
There is good money in singing at churches but never do it for the money. Let your first priority be to fill the need/expectations of the people who commissioned you as best you can. Be your best every step of the way. Who knows? Perhaps they will recommend you.
Ask for a written recommendation where feasible and at an appropriate time - not on the same day as the event. Maybe a week or two after.
