When I had changed

AN

I can't do this. I can't keep living like this. I can't feel like this everyday.

You were my everything. You came to me when noone else wanted to hear from me.

My family didn't want me. I was a disgrace. I had gotten pregnant. With your child. At a time when you forcefully took advantage of me.

How can I be the same after that? How can I be the same girl I once was?

I had a misscarrige. Bad thing or good thing? I lost a part of me. I lost my child. And now, all I have is a emptiness. A duffle bag of clothes I will never use because I just found out my overice's doesnt work... So I can't get pregnant again. This is why I have been in so much pain..

At one time in my life you were the most important thing to me. That's before I met him. You once was my boyfriend. A boyfriend who hit me and took advantage of me.

After I met him, my life changed. But I was still the same scarred little girl who had walked away from you. The scarred girl who cut herself. Who did everything to make the pain you had caused me go away.

But it didn't go away. It was still there. It still are. I feel it all the time.

So tell me. How can I survive?

My boyfriend doesn't understand or know what you did to me. Why did you do it? Why did you have to ruin my life?

How will I survive here? I am only 22 but I am already longing for my death. Why can't I just end it right here? Right Now?