Moving Forward

Thirteen

One Month Later

Aaliyah

I glanced out my rain-streaked window. It has been exactly one month, and I still feel empty. Why was God doing this to me? I ran my fingers over the cool glass window. He was so beautiful. My heart nearly broke just thinking about all the things he didn't get to do.

 I didn't get to watch his first steps. Or see Roc teaching him how to play drums. Or Prince teaching him to spread the peace. Tears began falling down my face just thinking about him.

 My phone began buzzing, and for a moment I was hopeful. Maybe it was Prodigy. But I was utterly disappointed when I saw Ray's name pop up on my Caller ID. I quickly declined the call. I hadn't been returning his calls. I didn't want to talk to him. It was his fault Prodigy, the love of my life, left me.

 "Are you going to mope around for the rest of your life?" Roc asked. I looked over to find him leaning in my doorway.

I ignored him focusing my attention back on the falling rain drops. "You can't stay like this forever," He continued. He sat down next to me, drawing my attention away from the window. 

"Look at yourself. You're a mess."

 I scanned my baggy sweat pants, running my finger through my unkempt hair. "Please, Liyah," He said, pain filling his voice. "I know it's been a month, but please just come with me and Prince tonight. It will take your mind off of things."

I nodded slowly, taking in what he was saying. He looked like hell, but I could tell he was trying. I agreed to go, and let them drag me to this new undercover concert downtown.

 When I came downstairs, I could tell Prince and Roc weren't too happy with my choice of the baggy jeans, sweatshirt, and messy bun combo I had thrown together. "I guess it's a start," Roc said, running his hand over the back of his neck.

 "At least she's leaving the house," Prince added.

 The whole way over, I listened to them blabber on and on about this concert. They had been pushing me to get back into music, but I just couldn't do it. Not after losing Joshua.

 "Here we are," Roc announced. I smiled at the familiar club. It's strange how a couple of months has made this place, my home-away-from-home, seem like a stranger.

 I could hear the music already. It was pulsing through me like a heartbeat. It sounded like a soft lullaby, one I would imagine I would sing to Joshua. Roc opened the door for me, and I willed my feet to move, but I just couldn't do it. The thought of entering that club again made my heart race. It was beating so hard I thought it might jump right out of my chest.

 "Liyah," Prince said, focusing my attention back on the door. "You coming?"

 I began backing away slowly. "Where are you going?" Roc was saying, but I wasn't hearing him. I just kept seeing Joshua's still face.

 "NO," I screamed, then I took off running, ignoring Roc and Prince's calls behind me.

 I ran and ran, tears blurring my face. I don't know why, but being at that club again brought back everything. I pulled out my phone dialing Prodigy's number, but it went straight to voicemail. Damn it! Why won't he return any of my calls?

 I rounded the corner and ended up in front of that familiar building. I ran up the steps taking them two at a time. I don't know why, but the only person I could think of seeing right now was my mother.

 I took a deep breath, then knocked on her door, while I struggled to catch my breath. What am I doing? I shouldn't have come here. She doesn't want to see me. But before I could change my mind the door opened.

 I stared at my mother. She looked just as shocked to see me as I was to be there. "Aaliyah. What are you doing here?" She asked me in confusion. "Come in." She stepped aside so I could get by, but I shook my head.

 "I shouldn't."

I backed away, but something about her look of hopefulness drew me in, and I found myself walking through the door.

 Tasha

 I lovingly rocked my daughter back and forth listening to her as she explained her son's death to me. When I learned of his passing, I held her tighter, whispering soothing words in her ear. Her body shook with each cry, and I knew that I should get her home before they started to worry.

 "Aaliyah." I held her at arms-length, looking her in the eyes. "We need to get you home, OK?"

 When I pulled up at her foster home, I saw Chresanto standing outside. He frowned when he saw me, but he didn't say anything. He held his sister close whispering, "I'm glad you're home." His eyes met mine, and I sat down on one of the steps.

"We need to talk," I said. My kids sat down, neither one of them looking at me. "I need to tell you the truth."