What I Don't Know Can't Hurt You

Chapter Eleven

I turned around. It was just my friends, thank god.

"Bye, Quinn!" Avery said.

"Thanks," I replied absentmindedly.

"Okay, sweetie," Taryn said slightly condescendingly and walked away with Avery and Leo.

Once everyone had left, I approached Ryan.

"I got your note. What do you want, fag?" he grumbled.

I inhaled sharply.

"I know you have a crush on me."

Ryan turned bright red. I felt myself blushing too.

"How the fuck did you know that?!"

"I - well - I found your English notebook, and then earlier I overheard you talking to the guidance counselor..."

"What are you doing?!"

"What am I doing? What are you doing?! You could have told me! You could have been nicer to me! My friends fucking hate you!"

Ryan looked really mad. I braced myself for a punch, but nothing happened. I took a deep breath. He sank to the floor and burst into tears.

"Oh, fuck! No, oh, shit, don't cry! I'm sorry, I - just - shit, a teacher's coming, come into the bathroom so she doesn't see us!"

Ryan cried more. I pulled him up off the floor and into the nearby boys' bathroom.

"Hey," I said, taking his hands, "what's up?"

"I just really like you, and I am so so so sorry I was mean to you and your friends," he sobbed. "I really - I'm not homophobic, and I'm not transphobic, I mean, I used to be, but I'm not anymore, and I just had this reputation, and my whole family and all my friends are homophobic, and I just wanted to fit in, and they would just hate me -" he burst out crying again and leaned into my shoulder. I put my arms around him.

"Hey, hey, sshh. It's okay," I told him, my voice cracking a bit.

"No, it's not! My family will literally disown me!" he bawled.

"Well - I guess - if they find out, you could stay with me," I blurted.

"Really?" he sniffed, breaking out of my hug to look at me. I nodded, and he smiled.

"Why don't you calm down, and we can go to Starbucks or something and talk," I offered.

He wiped his eyes.

"Okay."

Ryan dried off his face with a paper towel and we left the building. He reached out to grab my hand. I let him take it.

"Do your parents know where you are?" I asked.

"Oh, shit. I, um, I'll just tell them I had detention."

"The school doesn't even do after-school detention!"

"Well, they don't know that."

We walked in silence the rest of the way, our fingers entangled.

When we got to Starbucks, I bought two brownies, one for each of us, and we sat down at a table in the corner of the shop.

Was this a date?

"Okay, talk to me, " I ordered, taking a bite of my brownie. Ryan looked confused. "Like, just tell me everything."

"Well, my family is like super religious," he started. "I mean, I guess I am too, but not in like a sexist, homophobic way. Anyways, I didn't even know people could be gay until I was like 9. After I found out, my parents kept telling me how awful it was, and they kind of scared me into being homophobic."

"Yeah, my mom's like that! It sucks," I said.

"So, as I got older, I was just not interested in girls. Like, my older sister would obsess over hot guys, and I totally agreed with her, but I kept telling myself that I had to like girls. But then I met you." He paused and looked at me nervously. "You were cute and funny, and I just, like, fell in love at first sight. But like I said, all my friends and family are homophobic, and I didn't want to get in any trouble, so I couldn't tell anyone. I had to just keep pretending I hated you."

"Okay, I think you should apologize to my friends, first of all. I know they wouldn't tell anyone and-" I noticed someone familiar out of the corner of my eye. "Wait, is that - shit! That's Evelyn!"

"Oh, shit, I have to pretend to like her! Hide, she's coming over here!"

I got up and ran to a different table.

"Hey Ryan!" Evelyn said.

"Oh, uh, hey, Evelyn," he replied.

"Sooooo, I heard you have a crush on me."

"Oh?"

"Um, I was wondering if you're free Saturday?"

"Oh, I have football practice."

"Okay! Well, maybe some other time. Bye!" She walked away and I rejoined Ryan.

"So anyways, I was saying, I think you should talk to my friends. I know they wouldn't tell anyone, and they'd appreciate if you apologized."

"Oh, of course!"

There was an awkward pause. I nibbled on my brownie.

"Are you jealous of Evelyn?" Ryan asked.

"No," I lied.

"Okay, but just remember that I don't like her that way. I don't like any girls that way. Just you." I smiled.

"I should probably get going now, my mom's going to get worried," I remarked.

"Oh, yeah, me too."

We stood up. Ryan leaned over and planted a kiss on my cheek. He turned bright red.

"Well, bye!" he said quickly.

"Oh, yeah, bye," I said, a little surprised.

When I got home, I just laid down on my bed, lightly touching my cheek and smiling.

Ryan Patterson, self-proclaimed "proud Christian and homophobe," liked me.

Eventually, I took out my phone, and texted my friends.

Me: I have to tell you guys something at lunch tomorrow

Leo: omg

Leo: why can't you tell us now?

Me: Cause it's super important

Taryn: You'd better tell us!!! You've been all secretive!!

Avery: Yeah

Me: Okay, I promise! Bye

Leo: see u in a while crocodile

Taryn: Bye!

Avery: See you tomorrow!

I sighed, and flopped back down on to my bed.

Ryan Patterson had a crush on me.

Was I seriously going to date the star football player?

Yeah.

I laughed to myself.