What I Don't Know Can't Hurt You

Chapter Eighteen

I was suddenly awakened by the sound of my phone. I grabbed it off my nightstand and and squinted at the blindingly bright screen. It was 2:36.

Ryan: Come over ASAP

I slid out of bed and snuck downstairs. I slipped on a pair of my dad's sneakers. They were a size too big, but I didn't want to take the time to tie my Converse. Quietly, I closed the front door behind me and ran down the street to Ryan's house.

He was standing on the sidewalk, holding his backpack and duffel bag. I approached him. He saw me and dropped his bags on the ground. He ran towards me, and then we were kissing. His hands were ice-cold, and his cheeks were wet with tears. I kissed back urgently, like it was the most important thing I would ever do. And in that moment, it felt like it was.

"So," Ryan pulled away to say, "my mom was looking through my fucking phone, and she found our texts, and she fucking woke me up like ten minutes ago to fucking kick me out again."

I nodded.

"So this time I gladly left, and I'm so happy to be out of that hellhole. You know my older brother has said nothing to me since I got back? Not one word. He just looks at me like I'm gonna molest him at any given moment. I'm so glad you showed up. I thought you'd be pissed at me - "

I interrupted him with another kiss, and we just stood there, kissing and laughing and crying, under the light of the moon and the streetlamps, until even our lips were cold.

After we broke away from each other, I helped Ryan carry his bags to my house. We quietly climbed up the stairs and put them in my room.

"Where am I going to sleep?" asked Ryan.

"Oh, right, the guest bedroom probably isn't ready," I remembered. "Um, you could sleep in here."

"In your bed?"

"Yeah, I mean, we'd just be be sleeping. Just sleeping togeth - " My sentence trailed off.

Ryan laughed.

"Okay."

We climbed into my bed together, but Ryan faced away from me.

"Hey," I said, "come here."

Ryan rolled over. I put my head on his chest and he put his arm around me. I smiled and drifted off to sleep.

Waking up next to Ryan was a pleasant surprise. When I first woke up, my still half-asleep brain couldn't quite process what was happening. Once I remembered, I smiled and got out of bed. I put on some jeans and a t-shirt, then gently shook Ryan's shoulder to wake him up. His eyes blinked open.

"Hey babe," he said sleepily. I giggled. Like, actually giggled.

"I think my dad's already left for work. You should get dressed."

He rolled out of my bed and rubbed his eyes. I playfully poked his arm.

"Looks like we're roommates again!" I laughed.

"Yeah," he said.

I went downstairs and grabbed a granola bar out of the pantry. I ate it while I put my (unfinished) homework into my backpack.

Ryan came downstairs a few minutes later. He looked really cute, like always.

"Here, catch," I said, tossing him a granola bar. He caught it flawlessly and unwrapped it.

"The bus'll be here in 5 minutes," I informed him. "Do you have your backpack?"

"Yeah, it's upstairs. I'll go get it," he replied. He turned around and climbed the stairs again.

We made it to the bus stop a couple minutes early, which was rare for me. A few little kids, first and second graders, gave us some strange looks as we got on to the bus holding hands, but I didn't care. I was just happy to be back together with Ryan, and I was happy he seemed happy. I still didn't know where he would stay when I had to go to my mom's house, but we'd cross that bridge when we came to it.

I smiled as we sat down together and he put his arm around me.

I still couldn't believe that this guy who, on the first day of school, described himself as a "proud homophobe," was my boyfriend. But maybe sometimes things don't go exactly as planned, and maybe that's okay.

We kissed on the bus, in public. In front of a few dozen other people. It was kind of exciting.