Long.Live.Swing

Chapter Four: Dreaming of You

JUNIPER POV

"Ah! Ah! Ooooh...right there....God! Rocky...Rocky...Rocky!" I yelled as Rocky crashed his hips into mine. We were missionary style, he stroked me gently; letting me get used to his size. Ever since our parents got married, we've been linked by our passion rather than the fact that we're siblings.  When I opened my body up to him, he went harder and deeper. He cursed in my ear, moaning passionately in sync with me.

Rocky: Juniper...I love you. You so tight...ugh!

I moaned as my walls closed around him, damn this felt so good!!!

Me: Ugh....

Rocky: Aww shit, I'm cumin....aaah!

Me: Aaah!

Rocky: One....

Me: Aww....

Rocky: I'm almost there, baby girl....two....

Me: Oooh, please...hurry up!

Rocky: AAAAAAAAH, I'M THERE!

Me: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I woke up in a sweat! It was another dream! I gotta stop doing this shit...My hair was wet and it was dark as shit.  I felt in between my legs and I was SUPER wet. Frustrated, I took off my panties and threw them in the laundry hamper. My phone started ringing and low and behold, it was that pretty motherfucker: Rocky!

Me: Hello?

Rocky: Hey baby girl, did I wake you?

I didn't realize until 5 minutes in the call that we were FaceTiming! I slyly covered up my lulu and kept talking to him.

Rocky: I couldn't sleep.

Me: Oh, me neither.

Rocky: I'm happy I found you.

Me: I know. I missed you too. I hope you...didn't think I didn't stop caring about you after Daddy threw you out. I hated him for it, I really did.

Rocky: It's water under the bridge now, I know you cared. That's the past, this is now.

Me: How come you never came back?

Rocky: After the way your daddy treated us? It was the best thing that nigga ever did in throwing me out. I couldn't. I thought about you all the time. You know, I read about you all the time in the Baltimore Sun, with ya 5.0 and ya Honors shit. I'm proud of ya baby girl.

I blushed.

Me: Rocky?

Rocky: Yeah?

Me: How come you were so turnt up about my having a man or not?

He sighed, looked down and back up at me.

Rocky: I guess I'm still in that 'big brother' mentality. Ricky rubbed it off on me, definitely. I don't want to see you grow up, is what it was. Listen, it's late. Let me talk to you later, okay? I gotta lay some tracks down in the morning.

Me: Okay. I have to get up for therapy anyways.

Rocky: What? Why you gotta do that? Someone made you feel some kinda way, because you know baby I--

Me: No! It's a personal thing...okay?

He nodded his head.

Me: Love you, Rocky.

Rocky: Love you too, baby girl.

I sighed and hung up. Okay, so I lied!!! There was no way I was gonna tell him I was doing therapy because I had dreams of him getting in the guts. I took off my shirt and went to sleep.

THE NEXT MORNING....

I got up and drove to my therapist's office. Dr. Crusel is mad cool. She listens, cares, and takes in what it is you have to say.

Dr. Crusel: Ms. DeGrate! To what do I owe this session?

Me: My presence.

We shared a laugh.

Dr. Crusel: How did you sleep last night?

I gave her the "Do you really have to ask?" face.

Dr, Crusel:  The dreams are even more so amplified because Rakim has returned into your life. How was it seeing him again?

Me: It was relief, refuge, and happiness. We hadn't seen each other in so long, I....it's like when I saw him everything made sense to me.

Dr. Crusel: What did you dream about last night?

Me: What I've been dreaming about for years! I was naked, he was naked, he was inside me...exploring me and who the hell I was. I'm going to hell....

Dr. Crusel: Why do you have such strong feelings for Rakim?

Me:  Because he's more than a stepbrother. He's strong, confident, well-versed, and well put together like the man his parents raised him to be.

I stopped talking and groaned loudly.

Dr. Crusel: You talk about him as though he's your boyfriend rather than a brother. How do you know he feels the same?

Me: I don't. I wish I could stop these dreams but I can't. Hypnocil needs to be a REAL thing right about now.

Dr. Crusel: Look. You have to tell him the truth!

Me: NO WAY!!!

Dr. Crusel: Why not?

Me: I'm not going to gamble with my emotional complex that way. It's not worth the risk. I can suppress these dreams myself.

She gave me that "Bitch, you lyin'" look.

Me: I can! I know I can, it just takes some discipline, clarity, and purple drank.

She laughed so hard I thought she was gonna pee herself.

Dr. Crusel: You can't keep lying to yourself like this! You can't.....can't be in love with him and not say anything. Secrets are like cancer. You can keep them in remission for a while, but if you suppress treatment, they can come back and grow!

Me:  Did you just compare my romantic ambitions to cancer? That's so unfair.

Dr. Crusel: If life were simple and fair, I wouldn't be employed.

I smiled and looked out the window. I wasn't going to admit it, but Dr. Crusel was right! This secret is becoming cancerous and I need to tell Rocky the truth before it takes over my emotions.

Some things are easier said than done.