Just let me sleep!

Chapter 13

Chapter 13 : Feathers on a Sword's Edge

It felt... wrong.

Sitting there again, sharing a meal like we were ever a family. Their hands casually placing food on my plate, cutting meat like it was their second nature, like it meant something. Like we meant something.

Their expressions were the worst part. Too soft, too gentle, too shameless.

This... this thing I'd yearned for my entire life, it was playing out right in front of me, and all I could feel was the urge to throw out.

Disgust clung to my bones like a parasite.

I'd spent too much time thinking. Wondering. What now? What can I do? What am I meant to do? Why the hell was I given a second chance for?

If anyone deserved a reset, it wasn't me. So why? Why keep me around, in this cruel joke of a world?

It's laughable.

"Theo, is the food not to your liking? It used to be your favourite."  A tone too sweet to be casual, dipped in sugar, just enough to hide the cruel past.

I looked up at the Duke. My brows frowned instinctively the moment my eyes saw that face. 

[I'm going to go senile if this continues.]

I looked away. There had to be a way out. Anything. Something.

Just then, suddenly.

Red loudsp- I mean Alex flashed through my memories in my mind. My eyes widened. The corners of my lips curled.

"I want to go to the Pastra Kingdom."

The room shattered. Not just the fork that slipped from Alistair's fingers, or the cup that hit the floor, cracking, spilling coffee like it was blood.

No, it was the atmosphere that broke.

The Duke's face turned ashen, not a far cry from his son's face. Even the servants froze, breath caught in their throats.

[It should be fine. I look old enough anyway.]

Besides, it's not like they can say no. Training to become a Holy Knight? Glorious. Noble. An honor. Especially when the decision came from a child, so determined, so brave.

And the best part? Witnesses. Plenty of them.

Ten years.

Ten whole, blessed years of peace from them.

Once one is in Pastra, they don't come back, not unless they're exiled, shamed, stripped of title and honour.

Good.

"T-Theo... do you even understand what you're saying?" Alistair's voice trembled as he tried to force a smile, his hand hovering like he was still holding a fork.

"You shouldn't joke like that." The Duke dabbed his stained lips with a napkin. Calm. Controlled. Pathetically trying to act all unbothered.

"I want to enrol to become a Holy Knight." I said it slowly, careful not to let the satisfaction stretch too wide across my face.

Their colour drained further. Pale. Ghostly.

"The—"
"I want to go."

"But you—"
"I want to enrol."

"No, just—"
"I want to become a Holy Knight."

I didn't let them finish. I wasn't going to let them twist it or drown it in excuses.

I pushed myself back from the table confidently, only to sink embarrassingly deeper into the oversized chair.

Right. I forgot how small I am now. I frowned. My arms already ached. But it doesn't matter. This time I choose what I want to do for myself.