Bright Eyes [Ereri]

Chapter 14

Eren's POV
My days with Levi were dwindling. Everyday that passed, everyday my departure came closer, my love grew.

I've always wanted to write stories as good as this. But I don't believe there are enough words to describe and retell this experience. You can't explain love, you can just feel it. Words don't have enough weight to them, they don't carry enough meaning for a writer to describe such raw emotion. It can be ravishing, heartbreaking, foreboding, and anxiety causing all at once. Those words don't even begin to describe a fraction of how I feel.

But sometimes I think to myself, maybe I'm too young. Maybe this is all too fast, too sudden. It's like a hurricane being with him. Except there is no eye of the storm. The winds are constantly tossing me around like a rag-doll. I fear that when the time comes for the storm to end, it will leave me feeling more broken and beaten than before.

When I feel things and when I do things, I don't do them or feel them lightly. I feel it deep down in my very core, whether it's happiness or sadness. When I put myself up to a challenge, I give it 110%. I don't do things halfway. I am a very passionate being, which will most likely be my downfall. What Levi told me a few days ago, hit me hard. He didn't even go into great detail and it still make a big impact. That's what scares me the most, just how much I care about him. So I fear that when I leave, it will tear me apart. Both mentally and physically.

The worst part is, I have five days till I leave.

Levi and I had been spending everyday together. We'll go to the park, I'll stay at the tattoo shop while he works some days. We'll stay at his flat or at my hotel room. We'll go to book stores and art galleries. But there is no other story I would rather read than his, that book hasn't been finished yet.

The sad thing about life is that we envelope our selves in these fictional worlds, these characters, so that we can escape from the harshness of reality. That's why I write, that's why other people paint or draw or compose. We all have something that troubles us and we all have a getaway, a happy place. Eventually, reality will catch up with you and you're fantasy will come crashing down. You'll have to face the world, and you'll have to face it on your own. People come and go, but your always have yourself. Unless you're me, that is.

For years I have been trying to figure out who I am and where I belong. Now here I am, starting college, without a sense of direction for who I am and who I want to be. At this point I think it's virtually hopeless. I probably won't ever figure out who I am but I'll continue to walk through the motions of life with no real purpose. People will talk about bullshit like that, how we were all put on this planet for a reason blah blah blah. We're all just tiny particles in this humongous universe that we call home. The universe doesn't give a shit about you or your ambitions and dreams. It's just forever expanding, harboring thousands upon million of planets and stars and comets. All that bull is just talk, people trying to tell themselves that they matter. None of us fucking matter. Reality is merciless, more so to others. I just happen to be one of the unlucky ones. Until I met Levi that is. Levi is...my anchor. He's my everything. I haven't slept in three days because of the dread that floods through my veins. I don't want to leave him. I can't.

Maybe I'm just being childish and naïve. But I feel that I will literally fall apart if I return home. Eventually we'll grow apart and the phone calls will become less frequent, I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle that.

Levi and I are currently walking down the sidewalk that encircles the park. Our hands are joined and our fingers intertwined. We've talked about nothing and everything all day. Right now we're just walking with our arms swinging, enjoying the silence. The silence is nice but my thoughts are deafening. I tug on Levi's hand making him spin into my chest. I wrap my arms around him tightly and let out a shaky breath. My thoughts have been darker than ever before. They're their darkest when I'm supposed to be asleep. Levi will be asleep on my chest and I will just stare up at the ceiling, poisonous thoughts circulating in my mind. The sex is still frequent, phenomenal, and quite kinky; but afterward the foreboding returns and I feel like my bones are made of lead.
"Eren? What's wrong?" Levi asked, his voice muffled by my shirt.
"Hm? Oh nothing it's nothing." I said more trying to reassure myself then convince him.
"Well I don't believe you, but I'll let it go for now." I tightened my grip on him leaving almost no space between us.
"Do you want to go back to my flat?" He asked and peeked up at me with a worried expression. I just nodded my head in response.