I lied.
It was a mistake.
Now my mate hates me.
Can I blame him?
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I pop a Bloodroot pill in my mouth and swallow without water like I do first thing every morning.
My eyes scan over my bare chest and arms, following each darkened vein like scattered roads on a map. They've gotten worse—so, so much worse. Dr. Arnou and the research team won't be happy about this progressive development. For the past year, they've been growing increasingly concerned with the side effects of the Bloodroot, particularly with my veins appearing to have been stuffed with molten tar. They've been trying to convince me to stop taking Bloodroot, but I can't. Not yet. Not without having found Willow yet. I've managed to convince them to keep using me for research for now, but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep holding them off, especially if these veins get worse.
Although the side effects are concerning, Bloodroot does numb the mate bond just like Lyra said it would. And right now, Willow's and my bond needs to be numbed for her sake.
I don't even want to think about what would happen if I were to stop taking bloodroot now after two years.
Two whole years.
That's how long it's been since I last saw Willow. Just thinking about her sends a wave of pain through my chest.
I miss her. I undoubtedly, endlessly miss her. And I cannot blame the bond for missing her, not even a little bit, because our bond has been numbed. The truth is, I miss Willow. I miss her scent, her warmth, her touch, her laugh, and her smile. For two years, all I've had to hold onto are her memories and the hope that one day I might see her again and get the chance to convince her to stay and be the Luna of our pack and my mate.
I know that seems ridiculous, especially considering how I treated her for so many years, but I do. I never realized how much Willow had become part of my life until she was gone, and I discovered just how many of my daily habits revolved around her. Turns out, I spent a great deal of my time just looking for her, making sure she was always in sight. It's been two years, and I still haven't broken that habit. I look for her wherever I go, but now, she's never within sight and I haven't found her.
Nothing has been more humbling than realizing what a complete failure I am as a mate and Alpha. Over the years, I'd grown accustomed to Willow always being there for me and our pack, so I never thought for a second that could change. So, I didn't bother trying to fix it. Instead, I'd spent so much time focusing and dwelling on my pain and our past. I refused to realize I could lose Willow in the process.
Now she's good and gone out of my life, and it's my fault.
These past two years have shown me how much of an immature, selfish idiot I'd been. Not only hurting Willow but also hurting my pack. I'm their Alpha—their leader—and I failed them. I failed to lead them properly. I kept their Luna from them; the Luna they were destined to love and respect, and they didn't love or respect her because of me.
