Holding On

Chapter 3| A Double Checkup

**Unedited**

Sebastian slid into a seat next to me on my lonely lunch table. Before Sebastian had insisted on sitting here- even after I had told him it would be social suicide- I had been the only person sitting at this table unless Jeremy and his goons decided that they wanted to beat me up. The bullying, though, had gone down significantly since Sebastian showed up. I was grateful for that but I couldn't help but feel a little guilty.

"Hey, Friend!" Sebastian greeted eagerly.

"Acquaintance." I correct for the fifth time today.

For once, Sebastian didn't give his usual, playful remark. "Why are you so adamant to not have friends?" I opened my mouth to reply but Sebastian silenced me with a look before continuing, "Is it me? Is it just me you don't want to be friends with? What? What is it Kennedy?"

"It's got nothing to do with you, Seb." I insisted.

"Then what is it?" Seb demanded, he looked at me as if searching for something that would give me away.

"Look, Seb, don't try to get to know me. You're a nice guy. Really nice. You can't get to know me, you'll regret if you do-"

Sebastian cut in, "You don't get to make that decision for me, Kennedy."

I smiled sadly at him and shook my head slightly. "I'm just trying to protect you."

"What is it? What is it that is so bad about you that it'd hurt me to even know about it?" Sebastian cried in desperation.

I snapped, I had been trying to protect him, to help him. "My life isn't pretty! My life isn't dolled up! My life is reality! It's ugly, it's messed up but it's who I am!"

Sebastian looked down and whispered just loud enough for me to hear, "It doesn't have to be."

I gave him a sad look, "For me, it does." I grabbed my tray which only had my apple left and stacked it on the dishes. I walked out the cafeteria doors, ignoring Sebastian's stare. I was grateful that he didn't follow me. A dull ache in my chest reminded me that I was broken, that this couldn't be fixed.

☁⚡☁

I was pushed to the ground, letting out a audiable groan. Suddenly I was picked back up and slammed against the wall. It was class time so no one was out to witness this. It had happened just before I entered the classroom, Jeremy and his goons grabbed me and told me that it was time to have a little chat.

I had been out here for fifteen minutes and no chatting had gone on.

"So, how much are you paying tht Sebastian guy to be your own personal bodyguard? It's gotta be a lot to have someone like him on your side. He belongs with us, tormenting you." I couldn't agree more, I thought bitterly.

"I'm not paying him anything." I told him but my voice came out raspy and hoarse. My answer didn't satisfy Jeremy because with the snap of his fingers one of his goons pulled back his arm and punched me square the jaw. My head snapped to the side, but I didn't retaliate. I never did. One upon a time I wouldn't have taken this kind of treatment. Once upon a time, I fought back. Now, I have no fight left in me.

I tasted blood, a feeling I was all too accustomed with. Not just from the bullying, no. I've had worse, I still am. I though back on my last session with Mel. She told me that I wasn't getting any better, if anything I was getting worse. Little by little my life was slowly slipping away, slipping through my frail fingers. That was only a few days ago but Mel had insisted I come back again today as a precautionary issue. Admittedly, I was a little scared. But, I'd get over it.