[AllTakemichi] Control

Chapter 44

The cold water wraps around him. His heavy body sinks deeper, and his mind goes completely blank. He can't breathe. Even so, Takemichi stays surprisingly calm - so calm that it startles even himself. After all, this isn't the first time he's stood on the edge between life and death. He really feels like someone who's lived through several lifetimes. Death doesn't scare him anymore. Not really. That's why he's able to gamble his life so easily.

A blurry figure comes into view as his vision fades. He feels a hand gripping his tightly...

Footsteps - slow and heavy - emerge from the riverbed. The soft evening sunlight casts a pale glow over two soaking wet bodies. Takemichi lies motionless in Izana's arms. Izana is freezing. His chest rises and falls, trying to catch his breath. He can hear the chaotic thudding of his heart. It's scared. But he holds it in, forcing a blank face that doesn't match the storm inside. Insane. He's lost it. Takemichi's life or death has nothing to do with him. It shouldn't matter. And yet... the moment he saw Takemichi fall - his mind just blanked out. Nothing else matters. A wave of emotion rises up, violent and fast. The image of Takemichi sinking mixes with a memory - the same feeling from when Shinichiro died. A chill runs down his spine. His body trembles. It's fear. The kind of fear that comes from losing something important. And his body just moves on its own...

Takemichi coughs violently, choking on river water. His face is pale, lips tinted blue. He slowly opens his eyes. A weak, strained smile curves on his lips.

"Izana-kun... you lost."

This round, Takemichi wins. Admit it, Izana - you won't be able to take your eyes off him anymore. Izana's tightly held emotions burst free. His expression shatters completely. He still holds Takemichi in his arms, his entire body tense. Furious, he raises his voice, like he wants to purge every unbearable feeling churning inside.

"What the hell do you want?! Why the hell do you push me this far?! Do you want me to admit you're just like Shinichiro?! That you've replaced Mikey and become him?! What the hell are you trying to do?! Do you even understand what I want?!"

His voice trembles more with every word, growing quieter, softer - his face looking like he's about to cry.

Takemichi lifts his hand, gently touches Izana's cheek again. He's trying to comfort him. Izana is just a wounded child who lost his way. Just a child, that's all.

"Izana-kun, I don't want to be anyone's replacement. I'm sorry for pushing you like that. I just... I really wish you'd come back to the Sano family and be happy with Mikey and Emma. They'll welcome you. You're all family, right? All of you are Shinichiro's siblings. You have more than you think. I just want you to cherish that. And if you want... I'm willing to be the guy who yells at you when you're being stupid - like Mikey does. We can be friends. I'd be really happy about that."

Takemichi smiles. Even in his pitiful state, his smile is warm and bright - it carries a strange, gentle calm. Izana stares, dazed. In the middle of his chaos, his pain, something soft pushes through - an unfamiliar feeling. He doesn't want to feel it. He wants to push it away.

Shut up, Takemichi. Don't look at me like that. Don't smile like that. Why are you so damn stubborn? You don't understand anything. You don't know what kind of person I am. You think I can be... good? That things can be that simple? Be part of the Sano family? I don't even share a drop of blood with them. What family? What happiness? When the hell are you gonna stop saying crap like that? That word... it doesn't fit me anymore.

But... does Izana's heart truly want what he claims? If so, then why are you crying, Izana? The tears he thought had long dried up now fall onto Takemichi's face. Izana's strained expression - right now, it's helpless. So full of hurt.