[AllTakemichi] Control

Chapter 57

If someone asks Izana after that battle whether he hates Takemichi for what he does to him, Izana finds it hard to answer. Or rather, he doesn't even know what it is he feels at that moment. Maybe, if Takemichi comes back that day with a victorious smile on his face, Izana gets angry at him - refuses to talk to him until he finally gives in and comes to coax him. But that never happens.

That day, Takemichi's men returned in a daze, their fight unfinished. Izana still couldn't calm down after the clash. Tenjiku's forces were shaken, their spirit crushed by defeat, while the Black Dragon men were buzzing with excitement, waiting for their leader to return so they could announce their final victory.

But instead, news comes in: the very boy who, moments ago, had stood strong and took down his enemy was suddenly rushed to the hospital. They said he vomited an alarming amount of blood...

Everyone froze in shock. Mikey and Draken wore the same disbelieving look, and then they lunged forward, seizing the messenger by the collar.

"What the hell did you just say? How's that even possible? Did Kisaki do something to him? Where is he? Where the hell is he now?"

Mikey lost control, roaring like a wounded beast. His eyes were wild, frantic, terrified - and Izana saw something else in them too. Something black, dense, and suffocating, so dark it made his skin crawl. If Izana had still aimed to hollow Mikey out, he knew for certain - killing Takemichi alone would be enough to bring Mikey's entire world crashing down.

But the bitter truth was, at that moment, Izana realized he wasn't any different from Mikey. The pain Takemichi carved into his flesh didn't come close to the sharp, suffocating ache of his heart twisting in fear.

And so Izana could only stay there in despair, watching Mikey and Draken run to Takemichi's side, while his own injured body kept him rooted in place, left to watch their silhouettes vanish beyond the borders of his domain.

Empty. That was what Izana felt during the days Takemichi lay unconscious. He did not know what to do next. Suddenly the purpose he had chased for so long turned upside down. He did not even know what he wanted then. And the most ridiculous thing about himself was that after all those years he thought he had never done anything wrong, that mistakes were fate and this hateful world - until a question popped into his head: "Did I do something wrong?"

Takemichi's scolding words still keep ringing in his mind. At first Izana felt irritated by them; he silently scolded the boy in return - what did he know? He was cruel to come and tempt, deceive him. Then Izana felt a little warmed, because those words sounded as if Takemichi scolded him for his own good. Shinichirou had never done this for him in the past. He really cared for him. Izana grew foolish in those thoughts. He remembered Takemichi's angry eyes, but eyes that held sincere feelings deep in his heart.

Does he really want to save this ash-gray life of mine, then? But Izana cannot forget that cold look...

Izana is terrified - afraid that Takemichi will be like Shinichiro, bringing light into his lonely, frozen world, bringing the warmth of love, lighting a hope that this world still has some gentleness for him, making him believe he can still be happy. And when he is drowned in that, the boy will abandon him, and he will be pushed back down to the hell of solitude. He has endured that feeling too many times. Yet Izana helplessly admits that it does not stop his craving to have him by his side.

He once thought of Takemichi as a sunflower living in a world full of sunlight. He has a warm family, friends at his side, wrapped in affection. Izana did not believe what Takemichi had told him before - that he truly understood the terror of loneliness. Because if he really understood, if the world had treated him coldly, he would not have had eyes that sparkled with hope and such a warm smile. He would not have acted so gently, sacrificed for others the way he did.