U n W a n t e d

3 : m o m

I hate you.

The first time I heard the phrase was out of the words of my own mother, and now I was hearing them out of the mouth of a stubborn child towards his mother.

Stumbling back, I dash to my car and take deep breaths.

Calm down, don't let this affect you, I tell myself. Whenever I remembered something of my past, I'd get devastated and cry for hours. At 10 PM, in front of a grocery store, I was in no mood to do so.

But the memories came anyways.

Why are you my daughter?

How are you still alive?

Why couldn't anyone else be born as my daughter?

What is wrong with you?

Die of embarrassment!

You're worthless.

You're ruining my pride and reputation.

You're a disappointment.

I wish you died.

I heard my mother's voice forcefully state each sentence, each more painful than the one before. A sinking feeling stirred in my stomach and a single tear ran down my left cheek. The familiar form of anger and frustration came upon me, as I had an internal conversation with myself. Call me crazy, but it's what calmed me down.

Sometimes I wish I could die.

Don't let that b**** ruin your life.

But what's the point of life if you're own mother doesn't love you?

You're escaping from her clutches. Don't let 10 years of suffering go down the drain. Fight. Stay strong.

Death would be so easy. I could go away from it all.

Shut the f*** up, Navia. Death is never the answer.

You sound cheesy.

Who knows, maybe my avatar is a block of cheese.

Wiping the tears of my cheeks, I laugh a little at the voice. Although I sometimes despise my mother, I still love her, but when I remember the harsh words she says to me....

Don't remember them again, idiot. You'll turn into a blabbering mess again.

And so, I turn the keys, place my hand on the steering wheel, and drive.