Game Plan (COMPLETE)

31

"I'm sorry."

What?

I didn't seem to hear it clearly. I squeezed his hand... It wasn't the fact that I was out of my control—I just... wanted to do it.

I missed it, to be honest.

Of course I wouldn't admit that on any normal day... but now that I'm holding his hand, feeling his stare, and finally feeling his presence near me again—I guess it's not bad to admit that I miss him once in a while.

I tried my best to open my eyes, despite seeing my surroundings spinning. Then I turned to him, just enough to see his face.

The various colors of strobe lights were hitting his pretty face. His expression was unreadable, and despite the darkness, I saw his eyes—those always gave him away.

He looked like he'd been holding something in for too long.

His jaw tensed, like he was chewing on the words before he dared to say them out loud. Then he looked at me, and didn't dare to look away.

"I know that doesn't fix... anything. I know it's late. Too late, probably. But I need you to know I wasn't trying to hurt you. I wasn't trying to disappear or make you feel like you didn't matter."

I saw how he wanted to add more words right away, but he seemed to be struggling to find it in the back of his mind. Probably because he's tipsy as well.

He ran a hand through his hair, then let out a breath like he'd been holding it for weeks.

His eyes went to where our hands were... and I really couldn't stand the sight of everything spinning so I decided to just close my eyes again.

But I remained conscious to listen.

"My family was falling apart. My parents were scrambling to rebuild our business, and I was... barely holding it together at my grandparents house."

I felt him caressing my palm, just like how he always did, especially when we were in his car... back then.

"Your graduation day, I was late because... I almost failed a class. I had to pass a crucial paper in order to, somehow, not fail."

"When you asked what we were, and I can't seem to give a proper name to what we had, I just... really can't. I know that I'm not ready. I didn't want to risk it."

"Even if it wasn't an official relationship... there was something, Ven... And it still got messed up." Sabat ko. I hope that it was audible.

"Whenever there are times I can't even send a message, most of the time, I just got scolded or... or hit by my Lolo."

That was when I really opened my eyes to look at him.

I... I didn't know. I didn't even bother to know.

Tangina naman, Arrie.

"That night you think I didn't show up at IRRI on purpose? That was the night I exploded. Told everything to my mom."

I didn't notice that we were nearer one another... until now. I wanted to reach him. I wanted to let him rest his head on my shoulder, like he used to do.

But it's different now.

"I couldn't tell anyone—not even you. I was... angry and tired... I was scared that everything I was trying to juggle was about to crash."

Another pause. I saw his Adam's apple move, like he gulped a huge lump in order to continue speaking.

"I'm not telling you this to make excuses. What I did—shutting you out, not showing up when it mattered—that was on me. I own that. You didn't deserve it."