Pawn, volume 1 of Different Worlds

28. The destination

POV: Aisha

Bloody hell, this again?
My mind clouded with anger and exhaustion, I instinctively grasp the leather strap harder and let my features show, readying myself for an unwanted fight.

Just why did Mabel rat us out? And how on the Continent did he know about our identities?

-I said you are under arrest!

My thoughts snap back to the loud leader of the unit before us and I almost laugh; if they thought we would just allow that to happen then they were in for a treat.

But are they though?

Fuck. I grit my teeth. Not that wining voice again.

-If killing them is necessary then I will do it.

I don't know why I said it out loud, maybe I assumed that it would seal my statement as a promise.
Although I don't feel any more confident than earlier on, the confusion and fear that the soldiers feel is evident as they send looks around to see whom I was talking to.

I'm honestly surprised they haven't gotten to the conclusion that I am crazy, I certainly felt like it.

It's only when they finally decide to close in on us that I fully realize just how much I am afraid of taking their lives. I don't think I could handle the guilt of taking someone's brother, husband or father.

Images of Elizabeth, Leon and Honora flood my mind and I can almost feel and smell the blood on my hands.

Kalatril's harsh grip on my arms finally pulls me out of my trance and I feel disgusted by myself when I feel tears roll down my cheeks.

-Aisha we've got to go! What's the plan!

Emotions overwhelm me as I find myself incapable of uttering more than a few stutters.

Kalatril cursed under his breath and finally releases me from his iron grip to turn his attention to something else. The soldiers.

His determined expression and tense jaw told me everything I needed to know: he isgoing to kill them.

I try stretching my arm to stop him but only manage to let my satchel slide off of it, its contents spilling like my emotions are.

Why am I like this? One moment I am alright with being a war weapon and the next the walls I have unconsciously put up and torn apart and I start questioning it all?

Is being Amaye's Chosen really a reason for all I have done? A justification? An excuse for all of the people I've taken away from others in the name of a peace that does not matter to me?

Why can't the whole Continent just forget me and let me entertain the idea of a calm life?
I'm just so sick of it all. I might be a pawn but my actions are my own. I should have resisted to all those responsabilities that have been weighing on me. Why didn't I fight for myself?

-Aisha what do we do!

Right.

I shakingly raise to my feet, satchel back in it's original state, my wavering eyes setting on the many men before us.

I still owe Kalatril this much.

-Stay close to me, I'll protect us whilst finding a plan. In the meantime..., he doesn't look at me but his tensing muscles transcribe his dread, knock out those that get too close.