Unwanted (Mirstie)

Why?

Journal entry #5
Bad things happen for a reason. That's one lesson I've always kept at the back of my mind. I don't know what to expect anymore. If you threw out of a window I would have probably saw that coming. Why? Just why do I always choose the wrong answer? Why do I always take the wrong risks?

I don't know why all of these questions keep popping up in my brain. I don't practically know anything anymore. When everything's going perfectly fine something always goes wrong. The catch happened yesterday. The thing I've been waiting to happen yesterday happened.

I'm a demon, I'm a monster that can't be caged. In other words I'm dangerous. I can't go anywhere without hurting at least one me soul. That's why I hate myself. I hurt the people I love the most. I've always wanted to scream for help. I've been drowning in my own misery for years and years. And one day I'll die. I'll die from not being able to breathe with all of the weight on my shoulders.

But that one day when I'm finally gone, I'll bring joy to the people who think I'm a mistake. Even I'll bring myself joy. No one has said, "don't do it Mitch you don't deserve that kind of crap." Not one living soul. Not even Kirstie. Who I have become very close to.

Maybe I should repeat last nights dreadful event. Kirstie's parents didn't mind me staying at their house, at least until they heard about my past. They said I should leave, run, get away from here because they now thought I was a mistake. And what did Kirstie do?

She sate there. Lifeless. Just observing the scene that laid in front of her. Did she really think I was that useless? This is what I'm talking about when I say that I effect people. I have a disease of which I can't get rid of. My depression is contagious and can be past on in milliseconds.

I ran. My backpack strapped onto my back. Everything I cared about was in there. Anything that could keep me happy was in there. I didn't go to my secret spot. I went to a nearby, unlocked shed and set up camp.

I didn't care who saw. It was loud and clear my mother didn't give a damn about me anymore. Even if she showed up I wouldn't care. I'd be too busy dying to even notice. Everyday seems long and full of details. Kind of like this journal entry. Except this journal entry is darker and more mysterious. But it listens to me. I unrolled my sleeping bag and climbed into it. I then closed my eyes, a part of me hoping that I'd never wake up to this nightmare. A part of me wishing that this was all just a dream and that I'd wake up to a perfect world.

School is today. I'm ready to get another black eye to match the darkness in my life. I walked in examining everything around me. It all seemed so dull. There were no popular kids of best me up, surprisingly so I just headed straight to class. I noticed as soon as I walked in, that everyone was staring at me. No it wasn't glaring. It was sympathy staring. Even Jeremy out of all people was giving me sympathy. I sat down awkwardly and took out my binder.

"Is it true?" Jessica one of the popular kids said facing me, "that you ran away from home?" I knew people would find out. But I never really thought about what they would think. Once the day was over and I was back I my shed, I decided on my daily question.

Daily Question #5
Why?