Summer Camp (DDLB)

(19) IDK title

I pick myself up and wipe at my eyes. My hands come back wet but I blink back more tears. I didn't know what was more embarrassing, using my diaper or having someone make me feel so small and insignificant and like trash.

I go into the bathroom even though there's no chance of me using the toilet. I lock the door behind me and can't help but notice the large changing table, similar to the one in my cabin, against the wall. Under it are stacks of diapers and other baby supplies.

I start taking off my overalls. It proves more difficult than said, my fingers fumble with the clips, shaking and slipping on the smooth surface. Tears fall from my eyes, stinging my cheeks.

I ball up my fists to stop the shaking, but it does almost nothing. I just need to calm down.

I take deep breaths, holding the air in my lungs for eight seconds. I count on my fingers. Mom taught me to do this. I miss her.

I put aside trying to undo the buttons and decide to just wiggle my way out. That proved difficult too, but I'm determined. With denim digging into my skin, leaving red angry marks I eventually get the overalls off.

I keep the overalls around my ankles, there's no point in taking them fully off. I look down at the diaper, it's cartoon doing laughs back at me.

With one hand supporting the bottom of it, I carefully undo the tapes that keep it up. The semi solid cotton is heavy in my one hand and I almost drop it when the last of the tape comes off.

I waddle over to the changing table and put the dirty diaper in the trash can/diaper pail next to it. I almost pull up the overalls and go commando, but what I'm doing hits me. I had an accident, I pissed in a diaper, not better than a toddler.

I grab one of the diapers from under the changing table. With difficulty I get it taped around my waist. It feels wrong, and no matter how much I paw at it and adjust it, it still feels wrong.

I accept how it is will be the best I can do so I work on pulling the overalls back up. It takes some time, but not near as much effort as it took to take the overalls off.

When I'm done I wash my hands just like my mom taught me and leave the bathroom. I glance around, looking for the scary boy but he isn't around. I quickly make my way back to Olivia, who has since been joined by a boy.

"Yous back!" Olivia squeals, handing me the doll I was using before, but I don't share any of the enthusiasm I had when I left.

"Hi! I'm Derek." The boy who joined Olivia introduces himself. He's wearing blue, blue shirt and blue shorts, different shades but I'm guessing it's a favorite color of his. In his crouched position I can see the top of a pull-up poking out of his shorts. He's an older little then.

"I'm John." I say back, sitting down next to Olivia.

"Hi John!" The boy says, a bright smile on his face. I can't seem to reciprocate the smile.

"Dewek is playin Marcy." Olivia explains, showing me a new doll. It had the same dark skin as Derek, but the same pink dress as Olivia's Barbie.

We get in a few more minuets of play before Naomi interrupts with her loud voice, yet I wasn't into the whole thing like I was before. I kept looking around, over my shoulder, but I could never fully see the mean boy, only his back or his side. I was just glad he wasn't looking at me.

"Thank you so much for coming to today's session, please feel free to stay and come back any time!" Naomi dismisses us kindly and I am quick to my feet. I want to find Asher and get out of here.

Derek pipes up before I can sneak off, "It was fun playing with you."

"You too! Maybe we can do a play date!" Olivia exclaims and I don't join in on the rash and disorganized planning Derek and her find themselves talking about.

Thankfully Asher is headed my way, I easily find his tall stature walking in my direction. I hurry towards his side.

"Did you have fun little bear? He asks, a happy smile on his face.

I shrug and grab his hand, yet my anxiety doesn't waver like I thought it would. I tighten my hold on his hand and step closer.

"Go now?" I whisper, looking up at him.

"Sure baby, if you want. Are you okay Johnny?" He asks, leaning down slightly. I pray my face isn't red from my tears from earlier. Ash didn't need to be worried about me.

I nod slightly, a sick feeling in my gut from lying. I just wanna leave.

ASH POV

I made small talk with the other caregivers, talking the most with Evelyn who I knew I would see more of. She was a great caregiver, despite her nerves of this being her first time in camp.

Others shared her sympathy's and I attempted to give reassurance to all the newcomers, but as a returnee with a new little I'm not sure how much they thought my words as comforting. Everyone expected their match to be "the one" and for there to be fireworks but it doesn't always happen like that.

I kept an eye on my baby for the most part, my attention only being taken away when a ruckus was created between two littles. High pitched screams and cries immediately stole the eyes of every caregiver. Thankfully the fight was split up quickly and each little reunited with their caregivers to calm them down.

By the time I turned my eyes back near the jungle gym where John had settled down he wasn't there. Panic almost seized me and had me shooting up in my seat.

I somehow kept my cool, my eyes scanning viciously over all the faces. But he wasn't there.

"Hey, Eve, did you see where John went?" I whisper to the girl. She looks around the room before answering.

"Direction of the bathroom I think, but he stopped to play or talk to a boy. He's making friends Ash, be happy." Her words calm me down and my eyes dart to the door of the bathroom, sadly I can't see much with the bookcases in the way, but I keep my eye on the door.

It opens and closed, but my vantage point is so lousy I can't see who went in. Johnny should come to me if he had to go, we had talked about it a couple of times. But maybe not enough?

I shake my head of my doubts and reinsert myself into the conversation about drivers license and cars. One of the caregivers had worries that she was too young for her little, who gapped her in age by two years. The caregivers had only just gotten their license and she was unsure if her age would have an effect on the relationship.

We all assured her there was nothing to worry about, and that physical age wasn't much of a factor here, only in severe cases obviously. Sometimes gender and body size could affect the ability to pick up one's little but people worked around it to give the little the best possible experience.

I find myself nervously looking over the little side of the room, and am able to take a deep breath when I see my baby walking back over to Olivia. I watch as he sits himself down and begins playing with Olivia and another little.

He doesn't seem as enthusiastic as before. Something feels off, but I don't want to bother him. He's making friends, as I should be doing.

Naomi shouts to end the session and I say my goodbyes before heading over to John. He's already up and looking right at me when I spot him. He seems uneasy as he glances over his shoulder.

"Did you have fun little bear?" I ask with a smile as I get to him, hoping it would easy his emotions. He only latches onto me, grabbing my hand.

"Go now?" He looks up at me with his big brown eyes and I can't say no. Normally, to be considerate, he should at least say goodbye to Olivia and Evelyn, probably even his new friend but something's off. I won't make him, especially since he's asked to leave.

"Sure baby, if you want. Are you okay Johnny?" I ask again but he only tightens his grip and gives a small nod, not near enough to convince me of what he's seems to be trying to convince himself of. 

A/N 

Not the most I've ever written, pls comment for ideas I'm running out. 😭

Lots of Love ❤️