Profound Devotion

Chapter 37

Date: Unknown
Monaia

There was an intemperate beeping that rang in my ears, stirring me awake and stabbing at the aching pain in my head. My joints were stiff, and my eyelids felt as if they were sealed shut.

Where was I? What happened?

A familiar disinfectant smell invaded my nose, the same one that I'd gotten used to after years of volunteering in the medical center. Paired with what felt like a light blanket tucked around my legs, it wasn't hard to figure out I was laying on one of the movable hospital beds.

How I got here, however, was my next question, and I was bound and determined to find an answer.

My muscles burned from laying in the same position for who knew how long, and my right arm radiated with tingles from the spot where an IV tube had been injected.

Someone was here in the distance, though it seemed they had yet to notice my consciousness. I could hear them stir, their faint breathing the only other noise in the room. They were to my right, but with my inability to open my eyes, I couldn't make out who it was.

'Come on.' I inwardly huffed, growing more and more frustrated when I failed to get my body to cooperate.

I tried again, focusing on my hands that were draped lazily along my sides. At first nothing, then a twitch in my left pointer finger. It was a start, but not enough to make me satisfied.

The person to my right shifted their weight, making me listen closely to any identifiable characteristics: a voice maybe, even a cough, but nothing.

'You can do this.' I insisted, pushing myself until I was able to move my entire hand. My fingers clenched then stretched back out, relieving some of the tension in my knuckles.

"Naia?" My brother's deep voice rang in, a tinge of hope seeping through as he jumped up from the chair and leaned some of his weight on the edge of my bed.

I was able to get both of my hands moving again, reaching my right across my body to feel around my IV and yank it from within the crease of my elbow.

Atticus slid his own hands underneath my shoulders and helped me sit up, propping an extra pillow behind my back to help support my weight. My eyes fluttered open, taking in the blinding light of the room and the faded curtain that was pulled closed.

My older brother was watching me take in my surroundings with what looked like relief across his familiar features.

"I—" I croaked, coughing when my dry throat itched from using my voice.

He shushed me, forcing a glass of water into my face and accepting the empty plastic cup once I was done inhaling it like I'd gone without for months.

"Better?" He teased, discarding it as I nodded and pulled the blanket higher onto my lap. We stared at each other in silence for a moment, and I watched as his excitement to see me awake faded and was soon replaced with a saddened frown. "Monaia, why didn't you say anything to us? We would have protected you."

His words forced the events that played out to swirl in my mind: Seraphina's mate ceremony, the mate bond that was now gone and would never again cause me agony, Raian's face as I plummeted into the river below.

I searched my body, poking and prodding at every spot I'd remembered colliding with sharp rocks and debris on the riverbed. They were now mostly, if not completely, healed and no longer in pain.

"How long?" I whispered, my fingers stopping at the back of my head. I explored the once injured section of my skull that had caused me to finally lose consciousness under the current. It was nothing more than a low-lying bump, but the memories of the pain were still very much there.

Atticus chewed on his lip and shifted so he was now sitting next to me, his back leaning against my stack of pillows and his arm slung out to hug my shoulders.

"A week."

My eyes fell to my lap, and all the sorrow and regret that I'd been harboring came out in a fresh wave of hot tears.

"I'm so sorry. I should have told you." I sobbed, turning and burying my face into his shoulder. He pulled me closer and let me cry it out, resting his chin on the top of my head. "I was so afraid you would all look at me differently."

He huffed and let out a low growl that sounded so foreign coming from him. "For what? It's not your fault he rejected you, and it's certainly not your fault for the way he treated you."

It sounded so good to hear that from him, and now that I was finally opening up, everything came pouring out like a broken dam.

"I didn't want to be a disappointment. If you all knew, then I would look like a tarnish on our family to the rest of the pack." The thought of it hurt, but not nearly as much as it would have had it actually happened.

Atticus pulled back, ignoring the wet mark on his mustard yellow shirt. "Look, we're not perfect."

"Yes, you are." I scrunched my nose, laughing in disbelief that he would think otherwise.

"No, we're not." He emphasized, his tone turning sharp. "Deep down, we're fighting the same fight."

There was something about his words that made my tears begin to dry. "What do you mean?"

His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes fell from mine, almost as if he were ashamed of his next words. "Our family makes mistakes. Dad pushed peace in our pack because he had been the one to attack Night Shade only a year after taking over as Alpha. He got a lot of our warriors killed, and he almost didn't make it out himself."

I winced and thought about the stories I'd heard of that war. I was always under the understanding that they had attacked, wanting our land and the access we had to the few unclaimed islands off our Northwest coast.

"Mom was there, talking him through it and encouraging him because, as her birthplace, she believed she deserved it as the Alpha's only child. She was passed over, her eldest male cousin taking the position."

My mouth ran dry. We'd never met my mother's family, and I had no idea that she came from an Alpha bloodline.

"Seraphina is the reason Franklin, Mary's son, hasn't left his home in months." He continued, rambling off any dirt he had on our family to prove his point.

"How?" I found myself leaning closer as his eyes turned heated.

"He was a really great guy—one of our best fighters, really. They had a relationship behind closed doors for years, but when she found Brody, she dropped him without so much as a sorry." He scoffed, shaking his head.

"But..." I frowned, my heart reaching out for the poor wolf that hadn't been seen around the pack lands. I guess now I knew why. "What about his mate? Shouldn't we help him find her? Maybe send him to other packs?"

His lips only tilted downward. "She died shortly after they met. They were both eighteen, and she was already sick by then."

Oh goddess. That poor man. Who would have thought Sera could be so heartless? He had to have been so distraught.

"They formed a bond, and I'm not surprised he locked himself away." His laugh was dry, and for the first time I saw resentment toward our sister. "And I—" His eyes raised, and there was a hesitancy and regret within them that made me flinch away, clenching the sewn material of my blanket in my fists.

"What?" My voice was low, and I was almost afraid to hear what he was about to say.

He seemed even more afraid as I inched away. "You'll hate me once I share this with you."

My heart pounded in my ears as I mustered up worst-case scenarios, though they all fell flat. "Atticus, just tell me. Please."

He swallowed and sucked in an unsteady breath with a nod of his head. "I'm...the reason Jackson was here all those months ago."

I waited for him to break into a smile, to tell me he was only joking, but the solemn expression on his face only deepened. His jaw clenched as he watched me eye him wearily.

"What do you mean?"

He ran his clammy hand through his already messy hair, his breaths coming out shaky. "I was aiding him with the attack on the Lycan's territory."