Profound Devotion

Chapter 43

August 14th
Monaia

The blank, painted white ceiling stared down at me as I lay awake, listening to the village come alive outside the window.

I'd basically moved into the spare bedroom now, Cassius's lingering scent staining the sheets and the pillow I had desperately clutched to my chest. It was well into the morning now, breakfast dispersed and now cleaned up of leftovers. However, I had yet to leave my bed.

It was as if my body craved Cassius, and the longer he was away, the little energy I had left to even get up. The chilled, heavy duvet pressed me into the mattress, but it was nothing like the muscular arm that used to cradle my waist.

I'd banked less than three hours of sleep over the night, my mind refusing to shut down as I worried over what my future would be now.

Cassius would return. He promised.

It didn't matter how many times I reassured myself, that lingering doubt clung to my every thought and made me question our entire relationship.

I loved Cassius more than I'd ever cared for someone before, and that's what scared me the most. Sure, I knew how I felt, but was it enough to keep him with me? Would he eventually leave me, too?

"No." I growled, smacking my hands against the surface of the blanket. "I'm not doing this." I was only making myself suffer more.

No matter the circumstance, I knew Cass cared for me, and until he returned, I just needed to keep myself busy and my mind off any of my lingering doubts.

I would be okay. Even if not right away, maybe eventually. That's all that mattered.

Kicking off the covers, I flinched away from the blazing sunlight that streamed through the window. However, as I flung the bedroom door open, I stumbled backward when I nearly made contact with someone's chest.

"Raian?" I sighed with relief and leaned back to get a good view of his face.

Though he seemed better now than he did back at the lake, he still wore a guarded stare without his usual welcoming smile.

"Sorry. I noticed you were absent at breakfast, so I came to check on you." His voice was soft, almost emotionless. "I only stayed for a short while myself."

"That's okay. I was actually thinking of taking a walk if you want to join me." Even if I didn't have a set plan yet, a little fresh air would do good for the both of us.

"Okay."

He stepped back and allowed me to lead the way, keeping a matching pace a step behind me until we were finally free of the stuffy house.

Atticus had been so busy with training, he was falling behind on his monthly deep cleaning—not that it needed it anyway. Other than a dish or two out of place, the only change was the sheen of dust that coated the few shelves on the walls or the table at the center of his living room.

Raian draped his arm around my shoulders and avoided making eye contact with everyone we passed, his chin lowering more and more to evade the added attention.

"They didn't know, either." I mumbled, flashing a smile to Torie as she tugged on her mother's hand to drag her toward the play area with the other kids.

"I know." He lowered his eyes to the dirt path beneath our feet and drummed his fingers against my arm. "I still feel...ashamed."

There wasn't much left I could say to comfort him, instead opting to wrap my arm around his waist and hugging our bodies closer.

Raian was trusting. Sure, given the circumstances, it wasn't the best idea. That still didn't mean it was a bad trait to have. After all, I was surely grateful for it.