Profound Devotion

Chapter 41

August 12th
Monaia

My thoughts were more of a mess after leaving the she-wolves at breakfast. I missed Cassius like I needed to breathe, enough to send pain through my chest at the thought of him not returning.

Syrene seemed confident in his feelings for me, and understandably so. It was hard for me to process her words and recollection of my sister's mating ceremony.

He jumped in after me. He willingly took the injuries that came with the contact of the brick water just to save me. Maybe it wasn't crazy for me to think he actually felt something for me deeper than an attraction after all.

There was no denying I had quickly become attached to him. The feeling of his skin on mine and his lingering kisses were enough to do me in.

Not a single doubt lingered in my mind that I wanted him. Every recent morning I awoke was a morning I thought of him and only him. I longed to be in his arms, safe from the rest of the world. I craved for more than just his body, but also the way he smiled at me when I spoke, or the way he would protectively watch me as I moved through the village every day. He made me feel like I had a purpose, that I was important to him.

My feet slowed to a stop as I came to an important revelation.

I was completely, irrevocably, head over heels in love with Cassius. And there was nothing I could do to tell him.

"You're so fucking stupid." I mumbled under my breath to myself. Why couldn't I come to that conclusion yesterday when I had all the time to say something? Now that he was gone, I had to keep these thoughts to myself for who knew how long and drive myself crazy with want.

I needed to find Raian before I did something stupid like chasing after him.

Raian was exactly where he said he would be. His head was propped up with his pillows atop his bed, his hands intertwined on his stomach as he stared up at the blank white ceiling. I knocked lightly on the door frame to draw his attention away, and he turned his head with a blank expression and dull, emotionless eyes.

"Are you ready?" I stepped inside his room and chewed on my bottom lip. He only nodded and lifted himself up to a seated position, throwing his legs over the edge of his bed so his feet reached the floor.

"Lead the way." He commanded, though it sounded as if he was reluctant to leave his spot.

I nodded and retraced my steps back to the outside air, peering over my shoulder sporadically to make sure he was following.

Raian kept his eyes trained on the pressed grass beneath his feet, mumbling incoherent words under his breath and drumming his fingers against his hip. Whatever it was that had been bothering him, he clearly wasn't interested in sharing with anyone else.

He said he wanted to return to the water, so I just walked idly through the arranged trees and back to the calm basin we had swam in with Syrene and her friends not long ago. The water was calm and shimmered under the high sun, new sprouts of ferns dipping their leaves into the surface and shading a family of rabbits from the heat.

My steps slowed to a stop at the edge, my body unwilling to venture any closer. Just the thought of the racing current that had swept me below the surface not long ago scared me away from it for the unforeseeable future.

Raian scoffed and kicked off his shoes, discarding them to the side. His shirt soon followed, and he ventured into the warmer water while continuing to curse at himself under his breath.

"Is everything okay?" I frowned, choosing to try and help him at a distance. Even if I wanted to get closer, nausea would bunch in a pit in my throat just like the water had once done to restrict my breathing.