Bradford's Orders Book Two The Legacy Series

Chapter 18

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Chapter 18

Bradford

How do I feel about her? Does she really not see it? I thought I was pretty obvious about it but I guess not. This is all new territory for me. I've never had to tell a woman how I felt. No one has ever gotten close enough to me to ever say anything.

Maybe that's the problem. I'm out of my element. Possibly out of my league. Holly isn't a woman who just wants a good time. She's a serious lady and this is a serious situation. I can't bullshit my way through this.

"You really don't know? Seriously, I took you out on the yacht and thought I made it clear." I muttered more to myself than her.

"You wanted to have sex! I'm not going to do that with just anyone!" She shot back and I realized my reputation had gotten the best of the situation.

Sex had been on my mind that night. I won't deny it. But it was more than that. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to spend the night with her, to hold her, to watch her sleep, to wake up to her. That's new. I didn't want to run away, for the first time I wanted to stay.

And I fucked it up. She gave me the ring back because she didn't trust me to want her and Tempy. She didn't believe I could love her. That's my fault.

"How do you think I feel about you?" Retorting to the obvious, I ask the stupidest question I could.

"I think you feel sorry for me and all this is out of pity!" When she says this I realize I've made a horrible mess of this. By the look on her face, I realize that I'm not helping matters by being coy and sighed.

I don't like to talk about my feelings. I protect my heart at all costs and don't let anyone get too close. I don't get attached to women and I don't let them get attached to me. But I did get attached and I want her attached to me. And I have to stop this game before I really do lose her.

Rubbing my hands over my face, I take a deep breath and do something I've never done before. I give her an honest answer about my feelings and what I want.

"This is hard for me," I stated, getting a roll of her eyes for my comment.

"Because you are the only one who has relationship issues." She grumbles and hits the nail on the head.

"Touché," I relent, she deserves a real answer and if I really want this, I have to own it.

"I don't want to be a pity date. I want someone who loves me for me. Bradford, if you don't feel that way about me, it's okay. But I won't stay in a relationship with anyone who doesn't want me there. I've been used plenty by Zane. I'm not going there again."

I'm glad to hear that. But it doesn't solve my problem. I have to get past my own fear first.

"You shouldn't. You're right. It's not enough for either of us to be in this because of circumstances. But that's not why I'm here. It's not why I want you with me." I agree with her.

"Then why do you want me?" She asks again and I give her a small smile. Tucking a hair behind her ear, I make my choice to tell her what needs to be said.

"I love you. I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw Zane hurting you. I was so angry for you over what happened. I wanted to protect you and Tempy."

"And I appreciate that but.."

"Let me finish. I was angry and I tried to push you away. I couldn't though. You were in my head constantly and I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't focus on anything but you. It was seriously messing with me." I admit no one has ever affected me this way.