Unrequited

Chapter. 4

I'm sorry i haven't updated for a loooooong time. I have no excuse, except for laziness, but i don't think that'd be excused. I just hope you forgive me, because it was my birthday last 25, so i guess i have an excuse after all. 

Do you guys use Tumblr? I'm always on there, so blame that. Also, blame my other account, I'm always on there. Ummm. That's kind of it. I'll stop babbling now, for the sake of those who actually read authors' notes. lol. ;)

See ya soon---hopefully.

-baffle xx

I saw her again later that day. I was walking with Gale and Harry----yeah, being a third wheel is never fun, however, I don’t have much of a choice---to the cafeteria. I usually had to buy something in that crappy place because, well, you know how my mum doesn’t cook for me.

There wasn’t anything remotely good, so I just bought an apple and a can coke---with only this as my lunch, I’d be losing weight big time, not good------I was making my way back to the table Gale, Harry and I share and then I noticed her leaving the cafeteria with really quick strides, like she was making a run for it, like she couldn’t stomach this place, I guess I understood that.

I walked back to our table and I thought about excusing myself to go to the bathrooms and follow her, but I decided against it, stalker is not my middle name.

Minutes passed and I was continuously fidgeting in my sit, I kind of regret not following her, she gives of this vibe, like I want to know more about her, I want to decode her, I want to know where she eats and what type of crowd she hangs out with.

I grit my teeth together in agitation. What am I doing with myself? “Hey, Flynn, you okay?” Gale asked a mixture of curiosity and concern in her eyes.

“Yeah, I…I just,” I looked into her eyes. “I think I’ll visit the library.” The library always calms my nerves, It’s my piece of rest, it’s my safe haven, it’s the place I run to. In some way, it’s like a second mother to me---I know that doesn’t make much sense, but it does elicit from me the same feelings my mother does---plus, it’s the place I go to when I just simply cannot endure Harry and Gale, specifically their kissing for that matter.

“Oh, okay.” Gale says. She smiles at me. Harry nods his head as a goodbye.

I make my way to the library, and when I finally get there, I twist the doorknob and the creak-creak noise welcomes me,  it’s the library’s own way of patting her child on the back, or kissing his head, or pinching his cheek, either way, it’s a sign of welcoming, of motherly affection.

The smell of old books quickly hit my nostrils and I imagine coming home from school with a fresh batch of cookies on our table.

The librarian waves at me---like maybe an older sister welcoming her brother home----I wave back, I make my way to the table I usually sit on, but something out of the corner of my eye stops me. I see her. She’s eating a sandwich while scrolling through books. From what I know, you aren’t supposed to bring food in here.

I have this urge to approach her, to…to touch her. I want to touch her. I have to touch her. But….But my feet stay planted on the library floor. I can’t do it. I just….I’ve always been the type of person who got what he wanted, who worked really hard until he got want he wanted, but I find that…..That sometimes, well, I couldn’t make myself do things I want to do. I’m a coward.

And what comes with being a coward is being weak. But she…she’s strong. She has a very powerful presence, it hits me so hard---kind of like being punched in the gut---she executes a strong vibe, but at the same time, she….She’s so….She tries to hide, tries to keep living in a shell she’s outgrown. And I’ve never met….I’ve never encountered someone like that….I don’t…..I don’t know….I don’t know what to do.

I would’ve never imagined someone like her exists, someone who executes strong, but tries to be weak….Tries so hard to be a coward. Me on the other hand, I’m a coward and I don’t…..I don’t try to be weak, I want to be strong, but I’m not.

I’m a coward.

Like the coward, the weakling, the pathetic person I am,

I leave the library.

Leave the presence I couldn’t take, the so so powerful presence, the radiating presence.

\