Dear Jerome (Merome) (Dear Mitch)

14th November 2031

Dear Jerome,

I'm finding it harder and harder to believe I'm now 37, and so are you.

And on that topic, most of our friends are around this age as well. Brandon, Matt, Devon, Rob, Lachlan... the list will only grow.

I'm moving again, but not so far this time. I found a nice apartment in a better part of Pennsylvania, so I decided to shift there. It's harder for fangirls to stalk me there, and the view is great as well.

The place, if you ever wanted to know, is called the Bluewater Apartments, and I think I'm going to like it there. The real estate agent was gushing about it, like how new the building was, all the advanced technology there was...

Plus, I really like the pool I'll get with the penthouse.

It's going to be interesting moving again, but I feel no real attachment to the place I'm staying in right now. There's memories there, yes, but that's it. There's nothing emotional to hold me back, unlike our home in Florida.

I know I've been writing during the past few years, but I feel like I'm not really conveying my life truthfully. There's still so many holes I'm not mentioning, and here's the major one:

I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

I have no purpose, and this is too evident to me. I barely post new videos now, since all the others have stopped as well. They got some sensible jobs, Lachlan and Vikk settled down, but then there is me.

What am I doing with my life?

I'm on the brink of quitting the one thing I've done for the last half of my life, have more money than I ever needed, and all I do is spend it on the next nice place I want to live.

I just wish I had more to say than "I saw thing that made me think of you" or "I miss you." My life isn't as centered on you as I make it out to be, because, in reality, I have a lot of things around me.

It's just that I've put you in the middle of it all, and then neglected you. I didn't forget you; far from it. I just haven't tried to do anything with you, other than mope and make myself the victim.

I'm not a victim.

I'm not heartbroken.

I'm not in control.

I just don't know what I am.

I get I'm human, and that humanity means the ability to make mistakes. I also get that wanting the chance to love you is unrealistic, and will never happen.

You love Louise, and as far as I've seen, have the absolute perfect relationship with her.

Then again, I haven't seen very much.

There's the difference between correlation and causation, where one means chance and the other means direct impact. I always thought of a lot of my life being made by correlation - all the strange events tying in with each other due to amazing time skills. Now, I know that isn't how it goes.

There's a lot of causation in my life. My slipping from YouTube was because of our loss of friendship.

Me moving away from places was because of too many memories, or not enough.

Losing you was caused by trying to keep you.

Irony is how my life is played out, with the occasional hints of sadness and anger. I have happiness as well, and it's not been too long since I was last happy, but it's been a while since this was balanced.

Like I say, correlation or causation? You decide.

Last note before this year's rant is over, I promise.

I was looking through my cupboard, when I found one of my old headsets. This would have been one of my first ones, one I had to get after you asked me to record.

The epiphany struck me.

Without you, I would have never had the amazing life I have led. I wouldn't have made such great friends, or gotten the support of the fans. I could have never created a job out of playing video games, and I would have never, ever gotten more time with you.

That time, I wouldn't trade for the world.

Others may say never having it is better than losing it, but I disagree. Life is about the experiences, and the ones we have shared are so much better than the ones we didn't. We learn from those, instead of missing the lesson.

Love you long time,
Mitch.

So I went to this fancy movie showcase thingy for my school last night, and it was awesome. Thing is, one movie had a kid get hit by a car, and the person next to me laughed, but they're also the same person who grabbed a teacher's hand (both are male) so I don't really question it anymore.

Amber